Self Doubt

I have certainly hit the age where I don’t really care what people think of me although that’s not to say that I dont value their opinion or willingly accept their criticism. I was reading some blogs today and this popped in my head.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

That’s a tough question even for me and I am grown up. I am not sure that I wanted to be what I am but I know I didn’t want to be a social worker. That’s what I went to college for – for eight years. I enjoyed every minute, every assignment, every friend.  I think looking back I would have rather studied writing but I am not sure that I enjoyed it as much then as I do now, so its hard to say.  I wish my parents would have gotten my left handed guitar lessons. I bummed but do not regret the fact that I didn’t learn to play sooner. I like composing and recording and although I have only written one piece I am very proud of it even if it sucks which I dont think it does. I wish I had taken more art classes because I love to paint but I dont do it much these days because I am really not that into it. My daughter is and that makes me proud. I wish I would have done this or that but I did what I did and all that lead me to the point in my life where I sit here typing. I have no regrets.

So do we wish we would have started things earlier in life. Yep. Do we wish our parents would have known us better as kids. Seen the brighter path. Maybe the one we should have been on. Yep. But I think that a good parent does the best that they can. They work to put food on the table, clothes on your back, education in your mind, and morals in your soul.  You dont come with a handbook, and it is for certian there is no angel telling what you should grow up to be. Sometimes I think it’s gods little game to see who makes it to the right path and who does not.

Does doing one thing in your chosen field make you better at your goal than another. No, one should aspire to be well rounded. To constantly learn on the topic they are passionate about.  There are some great artist in this word and my question to that would be did they want to be great or did they just stumble upon it. Of course this is leaving the prodigies out of the equation. I wonder if Jane Austin set out to be the greatest female writer of all time. She was a good writer for her time and she is one of the greatest of ours.  Mozart is an amazing composer and he was a great composer for his time. Picasso the same. It is unfortunate and just my opinion that we, us will not leave our mark of great reflection until after we die. No matter how big or small it is we will all leave a mark.  The words that you write; the music that you make; the stories you tell; the pictures you paint will all leave there mark. They will change someones opinion; inspire someone to be like you; bring hope where there was once none. Every action you take today will leave an impression on someone in some way.

There is nothing about you that is wrong.

We are our own worst enemy. We judge the way we dress; the way we look; the way we feel; who we love; and most importantly who we are by the thoughts and judgements of the masses. I will probably never meet you. I only know of you because of the words you have written here. You seem like a great person although all that can be a lie. One of the coolest things about writing is the ability to conjure up stories. Here in a blogging worlds you can be whoever you want to be,  We all try to be something that we are not. A picture of what we think society expects. How hard is it truly to be ourselves. To be the person that we are when no one else is around. To love ourselves for how we feel.  I don’t like everybody and not everybody likes me. This is ok because there are a great many people in this world and I just don’t have time for all of them. That said there is no reason why we should try to make everybody happy when its is our individual happiness that is the most important and from that those around us will truly be blessed.

I am going to stop here although I know I have more to say. Reading your blogs have inspired my everyday, and from that inspiration I find my own words. Hope you like them and thanks.

My son asked me this morning if I would regret dying today. Nope not today. Not with a kid like that. He’s awesome

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One Comment to “Self Doubt”

  1. “The words that you write; the music that you make; the stories you tell; the pictures you paint will all leave there mark. They will change someones opinion; inspire someone to be like you; bring hope where there was once none. Every action you take today will leave an impression on someone in some way.”

    Beautifully said. I should tape this to my computer.

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