Amazing how far we come

I have mentioned it before that my desk sits next to a window that I can look out. There is a dead tree in my backyard from years of neglect. It has become a pillar. a symbol if you will of all those things i have left set aside with no attention. For this reason I hesitate to cut it down. It has become an important part of me.

There is no themes and nothing that I wish to continually say. I do not wish to have a blog that focuses on one topic. My life doesn’t.

I am not sure that the feeling is scattered, but there are no lines drawn in my mind. There is no direction in which I feel I must go. There are many paths. I feel I must walk them all. Ok, not all of them I don’t like to travel.

I watched a man and his path was narrow. He was focused. This made him strong. He was an expert. He studied his path consistently. never, did he waiver from his goal. These became his passion. He is great at what he does. His wealth of knowledge is vast and I envy that. I wish I knew more, but don’t care to learn.

It’s difficult to be happy. I don’t mean that in a sad I need medication sort of way. Being angry is easy. Being unhappy is easy. To envy is super easy. I try very hard not to judge but even that comes easy and I don’t like you because you have what I do not.

I look at you and wish I was different. I wish I had your body, but I like mine. I wish I had your freedom. but I love my kids. I wish I had your talent, but it would be wasted on me I have so many. I for sure wish a great many things, but none come true at least not in the fairy tale way.

Maybe fairy tales do come true or at the very least 80’s movies. I have a husband who loves me more than anything. I believe in order to have a complete life you must be willing to sacrifice it for something. I would sacrifice mine for his. What is your life worth if you are not willing to give it away. My kids are amazing. My life is perfect in every single way. Every possible way. My glass is always full and over flows. Life is amazing, yet i think just as a human I am always longing for something and that’s unfortunate. I suppose we would never move forward if we didn’t, long for something that is.

I know that one day the tree which isn’t very tall, about 10 feet, will fall. Parts of it have cascaded to the ground already. It’s a palm. I don’t much care for them. I do like this dead tree though and suspect that one day it will be gone. The spot will be vacant and bare. Crazy, I will miss all that it has taught me about all I have and all I think I need or want.


One Comment to “Amazing how far we come”

  1. I really enjoyed this post. Rich emotions and evocative.

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