Self worth

How do you feel about yourself? When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you hide from it? Do you loathe it? Maybe you love it? Are you vain? Do you cherish the reflection?

If you are normal and I will assume you are in a special, f…..t up sort of way. Then you probably feel and see all these things, plus more. I’m writing a bit in response to Eminem’s song beautiful. I’m thinking so I am writing.

Everything you do has a positive and a negative side. Your hair was cooperative today, but it wasn’t the day before. You feel fat but you won’t tomorrow. You feel happy. You feel sad. All of these are the basics. Then there are the more complicated. Your unsure, self conscience about public situations. You can define that how it fits. You walk with your head high, you rule the world. Positive and negative. Everything has it’s place on the coin as it’s tossed.

We don’t determine we are fat unless we feel negative about what we see in the mirror. We feel the negative, search for it. It’s how we find the positive. We look in the mirror, we see a person who faces fears, turmoil, torment. It’s easy to see what we don’t like. It’s easy to pass self judgement. To put a value on self worth. There is no value on that. There is no value on who and what you are. It beyond that.

There is a value on life. I do not value those who murder others. Those who commit crimes. Those who suck up my tax dollars because they don’t want to work. I could care less about these people. That may make me a bad person feel free to judge me. Animals kill their weak. There is not value in the weak for animals. I don’t judge animals for this. Animals live in basics there is a beauty to that I respect. The prior statement as to the value of life is simply my opinion. I know you have yours.

Your self worth is dependent on so many things. Your mom said you were a loser, ugly, dumb, fat. You were abused. To many times our past represents who we are in the present. You are beautiful, smart, amazing.

I feel that I keep saying this. It just keeps coming up in things I see, songs I hear.

Im self conscience about being in public. I don’t like people talking to me. I never have the right words to say in return. Don’t like crossing the street I feel like the people in the cars are watching me. Don’t like traveling out of my circle. Like you, I feel like all eyes are on me. I don’t want to stand out in the crowd. I don’t want to be noticed. I don’t want to chat with strangers. It gives me anxiety.

Here’s the truth. I’m not watching you. I am sure you are not watching me. I don’t go around judging people, making fun of them. Oh I wonder about their life. I wonder how they got so fat. I wonder what happened to their missing leg. I try not to stare, but I do sometimes. I know you feel the same as me. Just as uneasy, nervous, scared, a wreck. We all are; I found my freedom.

My kids gave me the freedom to be alive. I skip in the mall. I sing stupid songs. I laugh out loud. I live with no anxiety about anything. They were my freedom. My heroes. No judgement required.

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