Archive for September, 2012

September 15, 2012

Just babbeling

How do you perceive the world, and for that matter time in its relation to the previous perception.

I remember being a kid. Everything in life was a tragedy. There were no answers to the questions as the questions had no foundation in logic or general perception. As a child, to include teenagers, we perceive the world in such a strange matter. We didn’t think in absolutes. There were no consequences to our actions if we didn’t get caught. Its was survival of the fittest and only the mentally strong survived.

At just 16 years of age 2 of my friends had committed suicide. I’m not sorry they are gone. I don’t feel bad for them. They made a choice. What I do think about from time to time is how they perceived the world. Both kids came from decent homes with stable parents of the middle class, my perception. So, one could ask what went wrong, speculate. For me I have no idea as I suppose no one else does. Maybe it can be suggested that their very souls were troubled. That their minds perceived a different world than the rest of us lived in. It is had to say what is normal when there is no biases for normality. We all must die at some point no matter how the life is taken. This particular incident is the driving force for many thoughts. Why people do what they do. Why people think or act a certain way. How we perceive the world around us.

One of my perceptions that has come from this.

I was sitting the other day thinking about the fact that I was doing nothing and that nothing in and of itself is quite actually something. For what reason was I doing nothing. Was I just being lazy. Was I bored which by the way is a ridiculous thought in and of its self because we can always conjure up something to do. Boredom is just an excuse to justify why your doing nothing. A reason to complain that the world in not catering to you at the moment. So, there I was sitting, just sitting.

If I sit and do nothing; that’s my choice. If i sit doing nothing and wish i had done something; that’s my choice. So maybe sitting doing nothing us exactly what I want to do. If indeed it is exactly what I want to do then there can be no complaint. On the other hand, if it is not what I want to do then I should change what I am doing so that it is. Will doing nothing result in regret of time wasted. I refuse to have regret, so it can not. I must accept my actions as being a direct result of how I perceive  the world around me.
I need to work on the clarity of this one. Be back Later.

 

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September 12, 2012

The whisper

Find wonder in the smallest things
Find beauty in decay
Find hope in desperation
Find me
I am your voice

Find words in all that is lost
Vision in all that is blind
Find me
I am your words

Find love in hate
Compassion in anger
Dream all that can be real
Dream of me
I am your heart

Don’t get lost
Don’t stay away
Don’t hide
Don’t dissolve into nothing
I will find you
I am your soul

Travel lightly
It eases the pain
Joy will overcome
We will regain
We are strong, you and I
We are one

September 9, 2012

Drive

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We do it everyday and many times we do it alone. For me driving is one of those moments that sets my mind free. I have the freedom to listen to music, think, and express my thoughts out loud with no interruption except for the occasional ringing of the phone. My car has Bluetooth by the way.

Often times I think that I should have a recorder, for no other reason than I have the perfect words to say. The only problem is that as soon as I turn one on I have no words to say at all. The words don’t flow or they become so jumbled it’s ridicules.

This is a dilemma that over the years I have yet to solve. The same thing happens with my guitar. As soon as I start recording the notes, strings, strum go flat and nothing. So I put together a list of things that I feel are the problem.

I never want anyone I know to read my blog.
I’m afraid I sound stupid.
I don’t want to be caught listening to myself talk on a recording because as you know everyone knows exactly what I am doing.

Now I know and you know that this is silly, but one simple fact remains. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. That’s why we are here. If you don’t like one of my blog posts, well you just don’t come back. Likewise, the same happens if I don’t like one of yours. There is no judgement just freedom. People in general want to be heard, but we don’t want to face failure among out peers. What better place then a blog to secretly express all that is you.

I may never get all my words in writing, but I suspect neither will you. Quite possibly some of those thoughts that I scream about in my own silence are best left there. It is possible that not writing them leads to a more precise execution of my thoughts. In facing my own dilemma I must come to some resolve.

Write because you like to.
Share your thoughts no matter how dumb you think they are.
Rant and rave about the things that make you angry.
Tell us all you love, cherish, and admire.
Write in all caps when you need to scream out loud about anything.
Most of all express yourself in any way you like.

No matter whether we like it or not we will cheer you on because your here. Believe.

September 7, 2012

What measures a man

ImageIt been a couple years that I told a 17 years old kid, “What measures man is his actions, not his thought, not  his beliefs. ”

I believe this to be a true statement for all humans. It is our actions that make us who we are. It is our beliefs, opinions, values, morals that help guide our actions.

My son is 11. He is not yet a man, but still not a child. Life here is that of a vast labyrith. There are many twists and turns that lead to great black holes and dead ends. These children’s minds wonder in all directions, but down no road is there a sign that points, “This is the right way my dear child. Please take my hand and I will guide you.” The voices scream from every direction calling to the innocence of youth, making demands, challenging the very virtue of the child.

If I let my son do as he please eventually these voices screaming become reason, justification.  I see this happen all the time. Kids 15 years old stealing cars, doing drugs, having sex. Even the 17 year old had a child at 18.

My expectations are high, not because I expect them to meet them, but rather reach for them.  Everywhere in society kids are getting participation awards, feel good moments. If that’s the case then why do we even bother to educate when, in fact, all we need is a babysitter. There cheaper. Kids need to be challenged, expected to seek accomplishment.

It dawned on me the other day that my son could not cook a simple egg, because I have always made breakfast; I like cooking. He can now. Now he can make his own breakfast everyday, and he will.

I dawned on me that my son just expects me to do his laundry. Not anymore.
I will not feed or walk the dog. I will not check his math homework. They have an app for that. I will not do his chores because he wants to go play. Today he will become the man I want him to be.

He will make decisions. He will provide intelligent anwsers based on his participation in education. He will use critical thinking, and form opinions. He will change his mind when appropriate and seek truths where falacies lie. he will stand up for what he believes in and fight for beliefs where warrented. He will be kind, and do the right thing. And most of all before he leaves this house he will be judged harshly, and critically by the actions he chooses to make.

I will always be there to watch him stumble, to make mistakes and learn lifes lessons. I will catch him when he falls, and place punishment when needed. I will be firm and leave no rock left unturned.

Every failure, every one will lead him to success in life. Each and every achievement much greater than any feel good moment can provide.

Men are great when life is earned. You don’t get an award because your breathing.

September 6, 2012

Accountibility

Accountability, do you have any

Accountability isn’t just a place to put blame. It’s the defining factor of who we are. Are we accountable for our actions.

In life it is very easy to blame anything and everything else than take responsibility for your own actions.

My son brought a puppy home that he found, she’s adorable. As any kid would he begged to keep her. “Fine, but I don’t have the time to exercise her, train her, or take care of her.” my son agreed to doing all these duties, as of course any kid would. He did great for a couple of weeks. The last couple of weeks have been very hot so I get that both the dogs and the kids energy of running over the top.

I wasn’t in the door from work more than a minute when my son comes bobbing out and says, “Now you need to get me 2 play station remotes the dog chewed up the other one.” This morning it was a backpack and hat. Yesterday it was Ugg boots. The day be for I found all the couch pillows in the back yard. Before that it was my extension cord for the sander, my toms, my plants, my apple connectors. “Really, I don’t need to replace anything. You need to play with the dog.”. Everything is the dogs fault. Of course he put his remotes away the dog just got them. Of course it’s not his fault. It’s the dogs. Where is the responsibility for your possessions. Where is the accountability for not putting his stuff out of the puppies reach.

The math teacher can’t grade the homework because there is to many papers to grade. “It’s the student responsibility to grade and check their work.” “Its the student responsibility to be prepared for the test, and to seek outside help if they do not understand the subject matter.” Where is the accountability for the job you are getting paid for.

We blame fast food for being fat.
We blame music for our children being violent.
We blame school and government for our state of well being.
We blame other people for our level of self esteem.
We blame.

Accountability – the state of being accountable, liable or answerable.

Everywhere around you people are blaming other people. We use reason, and justification to place blame where we need it. We avoid the facts. We avoid effort to make change. It’s all so easy.

I screw up shit all the time. Happy to take the blame. Happy to fix it. Happy to be held accountable. It’s the only way I can teach my kids to be accountable. It’s the only way I can expect a degree of accountability from other people.

September 4, 2012

It’s always a sunny day when it rains.

20120904-204935.jpgLife is a strange thing. It’s full of twist and turns hiding adventure around every curve. You just never know where the landslide is going to be.

Lately it seems that every time I turn a corner life has offered me another landslide. It’s a little rock here, a big boulder there, and a massive dump of mountain straight ahead.

If there is one lesson in life I have learned it would be most problems, issues, and concerns resolve themselves with time and patience, although they are in constant conflict. Time is the one thing that human patience just can’t stand. Patience is the act of waiting, but how long does patience have to wait for time.

Patience – the capacity to accept or tolerate with getting angry
Time – the indefinite continued progress of existence.

Just give it time. Please be patient. One is not of the other. Time goes on forever, however human patience does not. At some point patience like all things, except time, must end. At some point patience runs short. During most of life’s challenges patience is enough to suffice the boulders in our path, but when it’s not let the sun always shine on a rainy day you’ve got time.

In the last week my daughter has been sent to the principles office, my son has had a crash on his motocross bike, my grandmother is dying. The school math program is unsatisfactory. My son is putting little effort into his home work. My nectarine tree is dying from the heat. The puppy is chewing everything to shreds, and there are no cookies in the house. Yes, it’s still over 100 degrees on the west coast and I don’t have ac.

Total chaos. We all have it at one point or another. I think the trick is to find happiness in it. Find a challenge in tragedy. Passion in stress. Be an advocate where there is conflict. Seek creativity, and imagination. Nothing in this life in concrete. Time has made sure of that and if we are patient time will change everything.

It’s always a sunny day when it rains.

September 4, 2012

How long does it last

Tonight I’m just wondering how long I will last with the writing. I would love if it lasted forever, but…….. it never seems to. (sigh) At some point the words always leave me. I would love to say its like a bad relationship that you just never want to end, but it’s not. No matter how hard I try the words just fade leaving black, black darkness.

Words or thoughts are very much like a part of our soul. Gripping our hearts. Filling our minds. Words are what makes us unique. Just imagine a person and the words that circle them like a tornado. What words would you see? Now imagine those words are gone and all that is left is a hallow body. That’s how I feel when I can’t find my words.

Write about anything. I could write about the old coffee pot, the torn rug, the family pictures on the wall but it just words describing nothing of relevant value to me. It makes no sense in my mind. Means nothing.

The world is expressed by raw emotion: happiness, sadness, despair, laughter, honesty, lies. It where my mind focuses. It’s who we are when you strip us of monetary possession. Who we are without all that we have? One would think we might be equals. We are not. Our minds separate us. Our thoughts make us different. Today I am happy while you are sad, different.

Who we are is a great factor in what we write. In fact writing is a factor in who we are as some people prefer not to write at all. Those who do not write leave no mark other than their actions which fade in time. Those who write leave behind a legacy of words to be understood and interpreted by all who cross there path.

No matter how I try the words always leave me. I want to say this time it will be different but it may not be. I want to say that I will try harder, but I won’t, because as humans we don’t. We accept many things about ourselves with no desire to change.

When I write I feel a sadness like no other, though I am happy with unlimited contentment. When I write I feel passion soaring from my soul. Then I crash, and nothing. There is nothing left.

September 3, 2012

Thank you

Thank you

You hear it. You say it. Now mean it.

Thank you is one of the most over used under used in the world we live in. I would venture to say that we say it at least 10 times a day in some form. Right on dude. Thanks. That was helpful. That was nice. That was cool. I’m sure you can think of a few more. All have our own special way of expressing our gratitude. But……how often do you really mean, Thank You with sincerity.

Often times and I do mean often I go and get fuel for my car. As I am entering the store someone usually holds the door open for me. “Thank you very much.” are the words that ring out as I pass by. The difference is the very much part. The difference is I look them straight in the eyes and mean what I say. They smile and add a “You are very welcome.”

The simplest things in life bring the most joy. I was appreciative and they felt gratitude towards that appreciation. People, humans by there very nature need to feel like they are needed. I need lots of people in my life. People who don’t know me and I don’t know them. I’m not suggesting that I want to be their friend. I don’t. I don’t want to hear about their personal life, their problems, their issues, there whatever. I don’t care. They don’t care about my world either. I don’t expect them to. This doesn’t change the fact that we need each other to coexist.

I need people because without their presence my life would be boring. I need your ideas that I get off pintrest. Love that place and thank you so much for all the great photos. I need to hear your voice so I can form opinions. Thank you for taking the time to write your blog. I need people to wear ugly clothing so I know what in life I like and dislike. Thanks for dressing badly. Thanks for acting stupid. Thanks for saying dumb things. Thanks for being arrogant. Thanks for being kind. Thanks for everything this world does to make me who I am. And thank you whoever for the beautiful day, the green trees, the sky above, the sun shining.

I’m not always this happy, sometimes life sucks, but I can still manage to get a thank you out here and there. It’s important. If my day sucks maybe I can make yours better.

Say thank you to everyone you pass and then mean it.

September 3, 2012

Blogging

Writing, blogging, and blah blah blah

Ok so it’s Sunday and I have run out of things that i want to do. Let’s be clear I have lots of things that need to be done, and there are lots of projects that need to be finished. I’ve had a busy day, and now I’m just sitting doing nothing. I figure at the point I want to sit then sitting should be what I do, but in order to be productive I start reading blogs.

Blogs

I start with what is fresh and recommended. These guys are good writers. Their thoughts are well though out and the words flow. It’s depressing because I’m not as talented as they are or as successful. Both of these qualities come from years of practice and critique from more experienced writers.

Moving on to ordinary people. I like the ordinary people. Your words come from you. Your thoughts twist and turn as you try to express yourself. Your honesty is genuine. Your lies unique. You are as human as humans come. Flawed, hopeless, searching. You cry in the face of tragedy, and rejoice in the face of happiness. Your happy to be alive no matter what the day. You express this in only the words you know, educated or not.

Did you know that there a more than 150 million blogs. They say seven out of ten bloggers have gone to college. I have, eight years. I’m a mom, 1 out of 3. My kids are under 18 and as you probably guessed I’m female. Well you get it I fit right in the statistical community.

So why in the world did you/ me feel the need to dump our thoughts on the world.

Got tired of all the political BS around me, and wanted an outlet for my opinion whatever my opinion was.

Wanted a place where I could look back on what I wrote, and see the change

Wanted to express myself where nobody knew me.

Judgement wouldn’t affect me less because I don’t know you.

Gives me something to do this time of year

Well there are a few of my reasons. Here’s to feeling better about yourself through expressing yourself blogging. Oh by the way, I loved your blog.

September 2, 2012

Goggle It

There are 2.5 billion google searches a day. Well that’s what google said. I am sure a few of those are mine, your and theirs. That how we become a number.

For one minute let’s just pretend that there was no Internet. It wasn’t long ago that this was the case. You may not be old enough to remember that, but I grew up without Google, and I’m not that old. Google was invented in 1998. Wow, that wasn’t long ago. 1998 was one year before my oldest child was born. Which brings me to the point.

Google it.

Ask a question. Google has the response. Goggle in and of itself has become a household word. You can even ask if Google is god.

Often times my kids will ask some off the wall question I would only know if I was smarter than a fifth grader. I’m not. In fact I have come to the conclusion I don’t really need to be. What is the molecular structure of a plant cell? It depends on the plant, Goggle it. What is the difference between DNA and genetics? Hair color and disease, Goggle it. What would happen if a meteor crashed into my school? You would be dead, Goggle it. How far is it to Texas? Which part of Texas, Goggle it. You get the idea. It’s just random questions.

Today I got another question entirely. Mom if I Goggle everything I want to know then we would never have a conversation. What would life be like if we never spoke again? I instinctively said as I was paying attention to whatever meaningless thing I was doing, Goggle it. With that she walked out of the room.

What would happen? There is so much information on the Internet today I can homeschool my children without the help of educational books supplied to kids prior to 1998. Khan and other websites provide all the math skills anyone could hope for. Science, Social Studies, English, and all the electives you could ever desire are there. Even social media provides interaction on a certain level.

But what if we never spoke again. We could get around this by texting, and of course the social media I mentioned before. The world would be a uniquely quiet place. Click, click, buzz, buzz, ding, ding.

All I’m saying is think about it for a minute and then, Goggle it.