Inner beauty

Inner beauty

I’m refinishing my house. Of course if you talk to my husband that’s what I am always doing. This time around I am refinishing the stair case banister and putting in wood floors.

The banister has taken me two weeks to sand and finally it is stained. It for sure, with no doubt, is not the same type of quality you get from buying a new manufactured one installed by a professional contractor, but it was defiantly cheaper. With sandpaper, stain, and top coat it cost less than $60.

Here’s the problem. We rarely would notice others mistakes if I had indeed hired someone else to install the banister. I can see every single spot that isn’t just the way I like it. In fact I have gone back re-sanded, re-stained. It will never be perfect, but it was ugly, golden oak, aged over twenty years. Yuck.

I don’t want to say I am a perfectionist because in the true sense of the term I’m not. I am willing to settle at some point, so there has to be a point in which I find peace. There is an inner beauty to all of this. I did the work. I picked the colors, I made the decisions. It was all me. Nobody helped. That’s it.

The inner beauty of the whole thing is that I did it. I didn’t pay someone else to do it. It’s a Chinese thing. If you have a tea kettle and you have repaired it, then it is far more beautiful than if you just went and bought a new one. I read that some place at some time. The words ring true in any situation and they have always stayed with me. As an American in a disposable, keep up with the Jones society I find it hard sometimes to find this beauty, but it’s there.

Am I my own worst critic. It’s the nature of being human I think. We like to judge ourselves and do it harshly. Inner beauty is the sum of all we have done and all that we intend to do. Acceptance for our failures because humans are incapable of perfection by our own standards. We must find inner beauty in everything we attempt. It’s there if we don’t let our judgement get in the way.

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