Posts tagged ‘feelings’

May 30, 2011

Memorial Day

I never really think to much about this. As it turns out it’s just another day off, although today I chose to come into work. It’s the first time I have worked this particular holiday in eight years.

As always I sat on my front porch drinking coffee with my husband, reading emails, playing words with friends, checking groupon. The usual stuff. Not thinking anything about the day. It just a day. Then…….my iPad started beeping with all the site subscriptions I have. Everyone was writing about Memorial day in one way or another.

The lives that have been lost; the lives that have been forgotten. The injured. The found. Every life has a value to someone. Every person has been loved. Everyone gone remembered in some way by someone.

I work with Marines. I have lost friends, and acquaintances to war. I remember them often. The smile on their faces. The sound of their voice. The kindness in their hearts. The things they loved to do with their free time: skydiving, sailing, rock climbing, biking, etc. They are all amazing men.

At work guys don’t speak of the war much. I never really ask. Their home. There with family and the war is in the past, although I hear my share of stories.  Most are amazing and totally different than what you hear in mass media. It makes you wonder, so I no longer watch stories about the war.  The Marines are proud and I am proud of them.

I have meet boys who are now men that have lost their sight, their arms, their legs, the normal mental state. I used to feel sorry for them. I don’t anymore. They are proud of their misfortune. Proud of the job they have done. Willing to do it again without regret.

I don’t think about all I am grateful for everyday. I should. We have many freedoms that others don’t.  I should be more grateful. It’s a shame we need a day to celebrate the one who sacrificed. Those who have lost their lives for our benefit. Those who have sacrificed their lives for the ones they love. The country they love. It’s a shame that as a people we forget. We get so involved with the day to day we simply don’t have the time to remember. At the very least we have today.

In loving memory of my friend.

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May 29, 2011

Funny little things

Years ago long before kids. My husband and I were grocery shopping. As I walked down the isle I said, “I can’t remember that one thing. I know I’m forgetting something.” Just that split second as we came around the isle he says while passing another slightly older couple, ” If we’d had sex last night you could had made a grocery list.” more often than not I just ignore him, but I hear the older gentlemen laughing and whispering to his wife, so my husband gets the glare and the eye roll which makes him proud. That is one of my favorite memories without a doubt.

When my daughter was three we were at Sams club. I told my daughter to wait with nana while I put her brother in the car. She didn’t. She ran into the parking lot. I took here back to nana. She ran into the parking lot again. I was getting irritated at this point. Then she wouldn’t get in her car seat. She made her body stiff as a board. I was seriously irritated. This went on for a few more minutes. I took her out and we were standing at the back of my SUV discussing. Ok, I was talking and she was being a stubborn child. So, I picked up a gallon of water and proceeded to pour some of it over her head. I figured this ought to cool her off. Nope. She said, ” Now I have to change my jammmies!” I love that moment. The look in her eyes. The tone of her voice. Her stubborn attitude. I will never, no not ever forget that day. That is truly my awesome daughter.

My son is funny to. He is very observant. He can turn observation in to a comedy. Just the other day we were at Food for Less. I asked him to bag the groceries and mentioned that my bags were in the cart. I proceeded to finish paying and as I turned around I noticed he didn’t use my bags. “Didn’t you hear me say the bags were in the cart.” “Yep” he says. “Those bags are for Vons. You can’t use them here.” I did not know this. He was quit serious, so I took him for his word. I will know better next time to bring the appropriate store bags. My son is very mechanical and sees the world without shades of gray. Not a day goes by without observational comedy. What’s not to love about this.

May 23, 2011

Professionals vs Common sense

I read this article: http://nolongercensored.wordpress.com/2011/05/23/a-living-breathing-relationship/

“I’m not a professional and therefore can’t answer this question… professionally!” This is a direct quote.

At what point in time did professionals become the authority and common sense get throw out the window. The author makes clear, concise, valid points. Surely points that any good professional would make, for a price. Yet with some good old fashion common sense and experience he has come up with these on his own. Which, by the way, has saved him a bit of money both on a divorce attorney and a psychologist. With that he can take his lovely wife, assuming he’s married, out to dinner the next time he forgets to take out the trash.

I have a friend with a wife and 3 year old child that’s going to counseling. Their problem… communication. That’s a killer for any relationship. That’s common sense, communication. In fact without it we can’t even order a burger. We know it’s best approach. Yet we take a pass from using it when it comes to relationships, especially when it’s mixed with respect.

I’m mad at you and don’t want to talk now. Just say it, respect it. Space does wonders.
This is not working out. Ok, later.
Have two tubes of toothpaste, two computers. I do because I leave the lid off the toothpaste and I get angry when he’s on my computer touching my keys. Communicate these points. Easy fix.
Agree to disagree and let the dog lie in peace.

My husband and I have nothing, not one thing in common, except our kids. He loves to travel, I don’t. He loves the extreme, I don’t. He likes the news, I don’t. He likes beer, I don’t. He likes PC, I don’t. I don’t like anything he likes, but I like him. Why because of communication and respect. It common sense.

Another quote:

“What’s mine is hers and what’s hers is hers…wait! Just kidding! ”

Really, it’s true. Men see the world in these terms. They are willing to give up all worldly possessions for the woman they love. My husband is happy with my old, so I can have the new referring to computers, cars, monetary items. I’m happy. He’s happy. Items can be replaced. People can’t and I want to keep this fish. Common sense. I know you see that, right.

So why do people have to be so mean when it comes to relationships. Drag it out for months only to devastate some poor unknowing fool in love. Narcissism ring a bell.

You don’t need to be a professional to figure out that common sense = happiness, to include communication and respect. Exclude narcissism.

I hope I did justice to the original writer. Please check out his site. He makes very good points in all his posts. Truly, a professional with a great deal of common sense.

May 21, 2011

Failing

I read a featured post yesterday on failing , so here are my thoughts.

My honest emotions are infuriating. Failing is a part of life. In fact it’s how we find what we are good at. Aristotle was probably not good at sports, but rather philosophy. What if we had told Aristotle he was a great soccer player, a winner. What if based on that he became a athlete only to find after years of playing he didn’t make the cut and was told he sucked. Finally, someone was honest, but he had wasted years because of perpetual lying. That’s how I look at it. Why lie. Yes the truth hurts. Why teach your children to lie. A white, small, little lie is still a lie.

My daughter likes to sing, she sucks at it. It doesn’t mean however that she can’t find personal joy in it. My son, terrible at drawing. It doesn’t mean he can’t make a beautiful picture or find joy in the arts. These shouldn’t be career choices.

I am blatantly truthful with my kids, for some that makes me a bad parent. This is a perfect example. When my son started riding motocross tracks (mx) he struggled but loved it. One day the track was dry not up to his liking. He complained incessantly. I got mad and this is what I said, ” You can be a whiney little cry baby girl and we can go home and have a tea party or you can man up and get the job done. I’m done with your whining. Either take off your gear or ride.” I was mean. I could have been nicer for sure, but that was the turning point. He chose to man up. He accepted the conditions of the track and rode. Now he’s a rockstar on 85’s. He’s a great rider that can conquer any condition set before him. This is his passion in life. He lives and breathes it. Mx was his choice. He made it and his is willing to face any necessary consequences. The only rule I have is simple. The day you want to give it up, walk away just say so, and we will be done. I don’t see that day ever coming. He has given up holidays, parties with friends, and all unnecessary luxuries for this. He will make a great man.

Im not a fan of team sports, because there are losers and winners although that’s not how it’s played. Telling a kid he is a winner all the time only leads to a false sense of security and self worth. Have you watched the auditions for American Idol. For some they were told how great they are all of their life. Their self esteem is huge. They have a false sense of awesomeness. Randy says the suck. They go home crying. They have been living under an umbrella of lies because nobody wanted to hurt their feelings. Now what. If someone had just been honest then another greater path could have been taken. Time, life was wasted on lies.

That’s just the way I see it. Lies waste life, talent, and ultimately builds a strong resentment rather than a bond of respect. Sure I hurt my child’s feelings when I tell them they suck at something, but my kids will do great things because I was honest. My daughter is eleven and taking college for kids courses all summer. She is an amazing learner. She wants to do this. My son is at Chaney Ranch riding with pros, because he has passion and commitment. Both of my kids are individuals who make choices, decisions, face consequences, just like I do. Just because they are young doesn’t make them incapable of handling life. They are. They want to.

May 21, 2011

My guitar with distraction

My Guitar

It’s been awhile since I played and quite frankly I’m at a loss on how to get started again. No, I know just pick it up and play. It should be that simple. Alas it’s not. The music just doesn’t seem the same. Being sick for six weeks I am sure has very little to do with it. I believe that I was stuck before…no lame excuses. When I should hear a melody I hear up and down motions. Where I should hear a song I hear picking. By no count am I an advanced guitar player. I am skilled at noodling, if you will.

The officers (I got distracted)

There are two officers sitting on the patio of Starbucks. One is rather handsome, young, wearing a swat team uniform and dark sunglasses. He is very cool. The other an older gray haired man with…….a mustache. I’m laughing thinking only move into the century bro. I smile wider completely content with that thought. I just think they look ridiculous, CHIPS. The older man rubs his nose a lot. I think the little hairs must tickle. I’m guessing in his fifties, and despite the mustache he’s good looking as well.

Im am with great intent trying to listen to their conversation, but its breezy today. The few words I catch, education, he screwed up, she was there. I suspect they are talking about there fellow officers. The younger uses hand gestures as a means of getting his youthful more idealistic points across. The older man with hands firmly placed on his lap points and shakes his finger as if scolding a small child. He believes himself the voice of reason. The man of experience even in this rather quiet city.

They have left and I am all alone out on the patio with only my own thoughts left to consider and back it to the previous dilemma. How do I find my way back to my guitar?

A friend and I started playing at the same time. I have not been a very good motivator these last few weeks. I was thinking,

1 Take some lessons
2 Order lessons for Mary Swartz @ guitarjamz.com

Those were the only two I came up with. Indecision also includes, picking, percussive rhythms, blues, country. Since I’m not very musically inclined to start with I can’t decided what type of music I want to play. My biggest dilemma is the ud uud uud uud. I hear the motion not the melody.

May 20, 2011

Texting, friend or foe

Texting has to be one of the greatest inventions of mankind. That with the IPhone and a data package you can rule the world from anywhere, any time.

Texting serves a few simple purposes which can save you a great deal of time

Could you……
Don’t forget……
Did you……

In these cases there isn’t a need to have a detailed phone conversation. Its convenient, but there comes a time when texting has just plainly overstayed it’s welcome.

Texting during a movie I paid $7.50 to see.
Texting while at the cashier and we all now have to wait for you.
Texting while at a red light. My bad.
Texting while having a conversation with another person.
Texting in the customer service business

My kids text each other on the couch, at the dinner table, across the room. I have been known to text my kids from downstairs because I don’t feel the need to yell or venture up the steps.

Texting has become a legitimate language: idk, omg, brb, abt2. There are enough abbreviations to fill a book

Communication is one of the most valuable traits one person can acquire. It expresses how we feel by the very sound of our voice. After a long day of work it gives us a reason to enjoy each others company. It is the reason, almost solely, that we come together for food and drink. Communication has bridged the gap between countries It has formed alliances and started wars. It has lead us to the point in which we stand now, texting. Texting has played a significant part in current revolutions. Texting, in of itself, has changed the very way life is lived.

When we look at our history as a civilization we have hieroglyphics, letters, newspapers, diaries, journals. Most of which have been hand written. We have a rich past that we can touch and feel. What of the future? How well we then define who we are now. Emails will be deleted, text’s will be gone and computers destroyed. I write nothing on paper. In fact I rarely use paper at all. I have no hard copy of photos. I have very few back up drives, so when all is lost it is truly lost.

Realizing there is a certain joy to being able to be in touch with your friends and family any time. There is also a pitfall as the Thanksgiving table is now quiet. We are all caught up, and there is nothing left to say. There was a time when my husband and I texted everything throughout the day. Now I just wait till he gets home. It’s amazing how much more time I have not texting and how much more I appreciate his company when he is home.

Texting, my friend or foe.

May 18, 2011

The morning

What hour of the day would you like to spend the rest of your life?

The answer is simple for me. The first hour when I wake up. I open my eyes, scurry down the stairs to have a cup of coffee on the front porch with my husband no matter how cold or hot it is. My feet are always bare and the freshness of the day is new and untainted. Everything is in place my guitars by my desk, my treadmill down stairs, and my iPad in hand. Its a new beginning. A fresh start to all the crap that happened the day before. You can do a whole bunch of things in that hour or you can just enjoy your coffee. Either way I love waking up and not because I’m not dead but because its like a new life. Its new, fresh, never happened before except for yesterday. It cant be explained. It just is. A moment that repeats itself over and over and over. Never changing and never the same. Its the little things like the amount of sugar in your coffee or the cup in your hand that makes it different. Amazing I just have no words for it. The rest of the day is always tainted with responsibility. Things we don’t always want to do. People we feel obligated to be nice to and places we have to go or not go because of one thing or another. the trouble with the rest of the day is that it’s just trouble. Its complicated, messy. The morning is always simple.

May 18, 2011

On weight

We I was little I wore a size 16. That’s pretty big for a 10 year old and younger. I didn’t play sports, in fact I didn’t do much but watch TV and read books. The were woods to go play in so I did that a lot but never enough to lose any weight. I got picked on like every other kid that was fat or unpopular. I ate what was on my plate as I was told. I lived my life. It was no better or worse than anybody elses including the popular kids which I wasn’t.

As the years went by I started working out and learning more and more about nutrition. I have been a runner, cyclist, aerobics nut, yoga freak, bodybuilder. You name it. I have been ultra skinny, but none of that matters…really if your not happy with who you are. Now that I’m 40 and it wasn’t big revaluation that I came to this conclusion. I am happy being happy. I’m 5′ 5″ and 150. I am neither fat or skinny. I’m middle. I eat healthy, but if there’s cookies watch out….boom there gone. I ate every one. I love cookies. It’s in my genetics and there’s no way to get around it unless you have some cookies.

That’s what’s life is about. Now that’s a revaluation. I know girls that don’t eat anything and I mean nothing except lettuce. I can’t stand to be around them. Their no fun. Im not a pro athlete, or a supermodel. Im a mom who loves to eat cookies with her kids.

Why would any normal person want to deprive themselves of life. I love to cook all kinds of crazy things as I don’t like eating plain food. Some I wrap in bacon. I use heavy cream, butter, olive oil, nuts. I make gravies, sauces, and dressings. I also serve lots and lots of veggies out of my garden. I never serve bread, mashed potatoes, or rice. I don’t care for them much. The best part is the drink. I love to drink while I cook. A glass of wine makes life even better.

I read an article years a go about a super model. She was ultra thin, stunning, gorgeous. Probably a size nothing. When she quit being a model she was a size 12 and happy. She expressed that being her happy weight was the most wonderful thing. Airbrushing and lettuce is not way to live life. This article has stuck with me for years.

I try to teach my daughter that happiness isn’t determined by your weight. It’s determined by your self worth. I encourage her to make good foot choices. A carmel frappacino and a donut isn’t one of them. A strawberry banana smoothies and a one of Starbucks mini treats is a better choice. Its not weather she fat or not. She like dancing and playing. It’s better for her body if it fueled properly. I explain to her the joys of a happy weight, a happy life. One that’s made with good choices.

May 17, 2011

Blogs

I read so many blogs tonight from all over the United States. I really search out the most unread blogs and found so much life that was incredible. Kids typing to make sense of there life. Parents trying to find the right way to raise there children. People dealing with everyday life. We hangout in our own little world most of the time and forget that there are millions of others that are just like us. They deal with the same thing. The work for the same things. The one thing that makes us all unique is that we perceive the world differently. A simple tree can represent so many things. Things I would never even think of.

May 16, 2011

Should you help the homeless. Why or why not.

On my way to work there is an old guy with a tattered beard that sits on the side of the road. Sometimes he has a chair, but most of the time he sits on the ground gazing at the traffic as it passes by. My daughter goes with me to work frequently and has named him Bob, so that’s what I will call him here. Bob has been there many years. Sitting on the side of the road. They have construction going on to widen the road so I often wonder where he might go. Bob has been the topic of many conversations. We wonder where he sleeps. If he has a tent in the near by woods. We wonder where he gets his food. If people feel sorry for him and bring him McDonalds from down the street. We wonder if he works in one of the nearby farms, but we don’t think it likely. Bob never has a sign begging for change, nor has he ever. He has always just been there. I think Bob is unique.

Next to were I work there is a catholic church. They feed the homeless all the time. They lounge around all over the street, leave trash and urinate behind our building. I’m not even sure the church is doing a great service with their cup of soup lunch, but it’s not a decision for me to make

Where I live you can find the destitute standing on the corner begging for change. I have seen signs like, “Only fives and tens accepted.” Are you kidding me. I have seen then get out of cars to stand on the corner. I have seen them stand with children and dogs. I have seen some crazy things as I am sure you have. The type of crazy that makes you not want to help anybody.

I think that the point here I am trying to make is help the homeless is a kind jester. Volunteering is a wonderful thing, though it’s not something I do. It is probably something that I will never do in a homeless charity situation. If our government wasn’t such criminals in California we would have more jobs but they tax and fine companies right out of business. The fees alone to start a business will kill a dream. If we had more jobs there would be less need for social welfare. If we spent more time educating our children than we did with bureaucracy more teens would come out of high school being able to do more than work at Walmart. These are general statements. The are a million scenarios to each. I know this and I am not at all placing the burden on the state. The burden should rest with the homeless as well.

I have to admit I don’t care for them much. It’s not a situation that I would volunteer to help. There’s no easy answer here. Through out time society has had the burden of the homeless, the freeloaders, the vagrants, those lost to misfortune. For those who truly suffer then yes. The burden on society would be short lived, but for those who choose to make a career out of the kindness of others then no, and let them remain outcast from mainstream society.

Life isn’t easy. It shouldn’t be. It should be fun. It should be work. It should have joys. Both the ups and the downs. We should face hard times and good time. Life should never be a hand out, but rather a helping hand in a time of need.