Posts tagged ‘goals’

May 29, 2011

Chaney Ranch

This is an updated post. Jantz sent us a video he made of our son. And quit frankly I am super stoked about it.

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May 23, 2011

Driving

Today as I am driving to the gas station after dropping off my kids I notice a man walking across the street before. He was of average height and build. Looked to be normal. Had everyday casual clothes on. Just walking across the street going from point a to b. I wonder where he is going. What he mint be thinking or whom he might be thinking about. Then like poof his whole life story pops in my head. I have made it all up.

He grew up here loving to surf and play guitar. He’s a musician by trade, but work is tough. The pay even tougher. So when he comes to run his errands he parks in a central location and walks. He figures it’s a good way to think and get exercise because he cancelled his gym membership. He needed to money to feed his two kids.

His wife is an RN at the local hospital. She is well educated and loves the sound his guitar makes when he plays. That’s how they fell in love. In a small jazz club. Recently she had to take a pay cut. He finds ways to save money by clipping coupons, walking, and car pooling with other parents.

You know his daughter is quite the budding ballerina. She dreams if being the princess in this falls play. His son is a star football player and practices hard to make it to the draft, although that is years away. Both kids play guitar to humor dad, but neither want to be a musician.

I have named him Joe because it’s an easy name. Joe is rather content walking. A happy man and I smile at the happy life I have given him.

After I get fuel its off to the dance studio to register my daughter for next season. I notice an older women sitting in her SUV just outside. Of course I have a story for her as well.

She’s a grandmother of two rather bouncy young girls. Who she takes care of while their mother is at work. No, she doesn’t live with them, but there’s are plans for that in the future when the housing market gets better and she can sell her house.

In the car she is discussing the dance schedule with her daughter. Who use to love to dance. She has fond memories of that. Now her granddaughters fill that void with twirling bodied, swinging arms, and dancing feet.

This is my usual day. Making up stories about people. Today they were happy. Sometimes they are tragic. But, there is always a story to be told.

May 18, 2011

On weight

We I was little I wore a size 16. That’s pretty big for a 10 year old and younger. I didn’t play sports, in fact I didn’t do much but watch TV and read books. The were woods to go play in so I did that a lot but never enough to lose any weight. I got picked on like every other kid that was fat or unpopular. I ate what was on my plate as I was told. I lived my life. It was no better or worse than anybody elses including the popular kids which I wasn’t.

As the years went by I started working out and learning more and more about nutrition. I have been a runner, cyclist, aerobics nut, yoga freak, bodybuilder. You name it. I have been ultra skinny, but none of that matters…really if your not happy with who you are. Now that I’m 40 and it wasn’t big revaluation that I came to this conclusion. I am happy being happy. I’m 5′ 5″ and 150. I am neither fat or skinny. I’m middle. I eat healthy, but if there’s cookies watch out….boom there gone. I ate every one. I love cookies. It’s in my genetics and there’s no way to get around it unless you have some cookies.

That’s what’s life is about. Now that’s a revaluation. I know girls that don’t eat anything and I mean nothing except lettuce. I can’t stand to be around them. Their no fun. Im not a pro athlete, or a supermodel. Im a mom who loves to eat cookies with her kids.

Why would any normal person want to deprive themselves of life. I love to cook all kinds of crazy things as I don’t like eating plain food. Some I wrap in bacon. I use heavy cream, butter, olive oil, nuts. I make gravies, sauces, and dressings. I also serve lots and lots of veggies out of my garden. I never serve bread, mashed potatoes, or rice. I don’t care for them much. The best part is the drink. I love to drink while I cook. A glass of wine makes life even better.

I read an article years a go about a super model. She was ultra thin, stunning, gorgeous. Probably a size nothing. When she quit being a model she was a size 12 and happy. She expressed that being her happy weight was the most wonderful thing. Airbrushing and lettuce is not way to live life. This article has stuck with me for years.

I try to teach my daughter that happiness isn’t determined by your weight. It’s determined by your self worth. I encourage her to make good foot choices. A carmel frappacino and a donut isn’t one of them. A strawberry banana smoothies and a one of Starbucks mini treats is a better choice. Its not weather she fat or not. She like dancing and playing. It’s better for her body if it fueled properly. I explain to her the joys of a happy weight, a happy life. One that’s made with good choices.

May 16, 2011

Perspective on raising girls

I often talk to parents about how they raise their children, daughters mostly. Mine has been a little more difficult than my son. In terms of raising her I tend to think psychologically as I wanted her to be balanced, and well adjusted.

When my daughter was two I was very new to the study of children. I should have known when she cried the first three months of her life she would be a challenge. I should have known when she skipped over the crawling and went straight to running I was in for it, but I didn’t.

When she was two and getting in trouble one day I sat her in a chair and told her to stay, like a dog I suppose. I told her if she got out of the chair I would spank her. I don’t know why. Spanking serves no other purpose than to hurt my hand, but that’s what I said. This played itself out several times and the only thing it got me was a sore hand. She never cried because her butt was covered with a diaper, but she did have fun tormenting me.

As the years passed the same situation presented itself over and over again in different scenarios mostly in the form of us screaming at each other. I never quite understood why until now that she would do anything her father said but fight me tooth and nail over the smallest thing.

Never does she have conflict with her father. If he asked her to do anything she does without complaint, because she knows this will pit him against her mother. If she severs their bond then she can becomes the leader. This can be her tribe. Dad always sides with mom but as a young child she never stops trying.

It’s just recently I hear people referring to their families as a tribes. It is the most accurate statement that can be made about the family unit. We are tribes. Preindustrialization, and modern man both men and women had roles to play. Although in the fifties era,  the Beaver Cleavers showed great signs of the separation of men and women in the home. Men went to work, they were hunters of food, protectors of the home. They were builders. The foundation of the very tribe in which they belonged. Women were the gatherers, the ones that nurtured the children into their appropriate place within the tribe. Women supplied the essence of tribes very life. Everybody has a job and they were clearly defined.

In the case of a mother and daughter. A daughter is meant for these things. I believe genetically. She is born to nurture, to supply the very essence of leadership that will one day support and guide her own tribe. Without her no tribe can exist. Now that’s not to say that boys and men do not serve the same functions in their roles but it’s clearly another essay. Females no matter the age are meant to do great things and conflict arises when there are two making the same soup.

My daughter from birth genetically, I believe, is a leader. All girls are. She wants to lead to take control of the tribe. She fights for this. She wants to make the decisions, and tells me no when she doesn’t like mine. It creates conflict, fights, a struggle between her very nature to be a leader and her age. This explains a lot about why little girls like dolls. They are playing the role of leader. Preparing for the day when she posses her own tribe.

When my daughter was three or four she wanted to pick her own clothes to wear. She wanted to make decisions, chose what she wore, what she ate, what cup she drank out of. These were all critical decisions that prepare her for life ahead. I let her do all these things. It actually makes my life easier. Now her choice is clothing hasn’t always been the best but it covered the parts of her body that needed to be covered so it was fine with me Because it is her peers that will judge her new look with blatant truth, I do not have to be the bad guy. It is her peers that become my greatest ally. They judge harshly and allow me to play the role of nurturer instead of dictator. They hurt her feelings when they say her outfit is ugly, or she’s fat, stupid, etc. To resolve this I get to tell her she is an individual, beautiful, brilliant. I get to educate her on proper nutrition, fashion, the three R’s of education. She turns to me and I become the hero, the caretaker, the wise one. It works in my favor every time.

As my daughter got older she found new ways to assert her leadership. She got bossy with everybody. The kids on the playground, our son, nana, papa, but never dad. She would tell her brother he was sick and he needed to stay in bed and home from school. She would command him to eat his veggies. Don’t throw sand at the playground someone could get hurt. Don’t go up the slide that way it’s not safe. She was being a mother and rightfully so. She is born to do this genetically, nurture, care for, emotionally tend to. We praise our daughters for these traits. We encourage these traits. This is her way of learning how to prepare for the future. How to be a mother. She immolates us because genetically that is what she is supposed to be learning in these early years.

As my daughter moves into the teen years she is afford more freedom to make tougher choices, more responsibility. She recently had to research a new school and find out if its a fit for her. She made the final decision and it coincided with mine. It worked naturally the way it’s supposed to. We have fewer fights because we work together for the greater good. I encourage her to make mistakes, take risks. She need only hear about my experiences but learn her own lessons.

I know a women that has three girls the oldest the same age as mine. She tells them how to dress everyday How to wear their hair. In fact she does it for them. They make no choices. None. They are told what sports they can play. The mother rules every aspect of their life. They have no freedoms. They are servants to their mothers will. Now this is extreme, but look forward ten years and picture what I see….rebellion and lots of it. Their mother has told me great, fantastical stories of her own rebellion but had not learned a single lesson from it.

There is not need to cuddle your child. The dress them, feed them, or rule with a heavy hand. Children by design know their path and are willing to tell us if we would only listen.

May 14, 2011

Schools

When we bought our house my kids were three and four, so my daughter would be stating school in the fall. I either didn’t think to at the time or didn’t care to check into the local schools. I wasn’t concerned about the districts grade point average, or the income level of families that attended. Those things are important to me now, although I’m not moving or selling my house.

Public education in California is a joke just like most state run agencies here. You can get free lunches, free bus passes, free everything if you just smear the truth a little bit. People do, and I don’t blame them because this is a tough economy to live in. California is expensive.

My daughter went to public school through fifth grade. I had complaints the whole way. The amount of teaching time that was taken away from the English speaking students to tutor and teach the none English speaking kids, even if they are illegal immigrants. The lack of homework, my daughter has been threatened, degraded, and insulted by a teacher.

The federal government says ever kid has the right to an education even if they are illegal. Ok, then teach my child Spanish in kindergarten. Instead my child has playtime while Spanish speaking get tutored in English. My daughters fifth grade teacher has tenure so he could threaten and insult the kids all he wanted to. The school board does nothing. I told her if his behavior was inappropriate to walk out and call me, she did. Still nothing was done. The school wouldn’t even put her in another class, because changing classes was against policy. My hands were tied. I took her out of the state funded public school system.

Charter schools.

I drive my kids fifteen miles one way to take them to a charter school. There first year there is almost over and it has been the best thing that ever happened to my daughter. My son could care less, school is school and he easy going so he makes friends everywhere. Now my daughter is the smart one. If her mind isn’t challenged she is a raging bitch. She fights, slams doors, is mean, won’t do anything you ask her. She’s out of control. She needs the challenge, and when she gets it she in perfect, amazing, incredible. My son on the other hand needs motocross. Without it he’s just sad. He withdrawals from the world.

It’s the end of the year and time for re-enrollment. Most of my daughters friends a going to a new charter school. She bummed. I told her I would consider it but she had to do the ground work which meant writing emails and calling the school for information. Now the charter school is sponsored by fender guitars for music and vans for the uniforms. Sounds good. The guitar lessons which are not part of the academics but rather an after school program are affordable but my daughter is not nor does she want to be a musician. I’m not sold. The tutoring programs are only available for a price, but there free at the school she attends now. Still not sold.

I don’t want to burst her bubble. I don’t want to let her down. She deserves a lot and works for it. What about science, math, English, history I asked her. You gather information on that and we will discuss it. She emailed the school a very professional letter questioning their academics. We haven’t gotten a reply and I don’t suspect we will. Her friend that is going there invited her to the orientation. She went and questionedthe teachers on the topics of academics. The blew her off. The only thing that the website talks about is farming. It’s an agricultural middle school. That’s all you get from the website besides the music after school program. My daughter came home disappointed and made the decision she didn’t want to go. She would rather make new friends than follow her current friends to a school that had no academic programs. Funny, she has the goal of taking trigonometry by the eighth grade. Im proud of her.

The lesson learned here is that not matter how beautiful the website. No matter how enticing the words like, academic, knowledge based, state certified, award winning programs are they are still words and prove nothing. I didn’t have to tell her no she came to that conclusion herself. Again I am proud of her for being the woman I know she is becoming.

May 14, 2011

Drama

Let the drama begin said the conductor to the audience. Just like that the orchestra begins and every player has their part. That’s how it goes. There is one conductor and everyone else has a role to play.

My daughter is eleven and has hit the age of drama. I consider myself lucky that she’s not the causing it. I would like to think that a healthy childhood leads to less drama. I have always told my daughter she is beautiful inside and out. She’s a little vain. I have always told her she is intelligent. Home and public schooled her. I have always kept it real. If she was being a bitch. I told her she was. If she wronged someone I made her apologize even if it was a small indiscretion. When someone was taking her lunch I made her stand up for herself. She did. When she got in a fight. I praised her for defending herself. She was in the right to do so. When her feelings were hurt we talked about it. I explained how life works and she is not now or will ever be the center of attention for everybody all the time. And, when it comes to drama I just won’t tolerate it. Jealousy, controlling, anger, bossy, you know all those things that wrap drama up in a nice little package agitate me to no end.

Now that my daughter is a little older, boys and drama are beginning to be an issue. She comes home from school and always tells me the latest. She bosses him around; he wants to break up with her; she not happy with him; he’s talking to another girl. Your getting the picture…right. We laugh about it quite a bit. My daughter always get caught in the middle between her friend and her friends new boyfriend of the week. She to is part of the orchestra.

Drama is nothing more than low self worth, self esteem, self value, however you wish to say it. I wonder how a perfectly normal, cute girl ends up this way. I could speculate that either her parents were to busy with their life or jobs to attend to her emotionally, or that they were just not educated enough on the matter to do so. Either way her she is causing drama and heartache for herself that will last a lifetime.

Being jealous and controlling is like taking flowers away from bees. You will never get any honey. The only person that suffers is you. Everybody else leaves, moves on. It defiantly sends you spiraling down further into you self loathing pit. Then where are you at. Alone in your room crying, eating ice cream which will make you fat not to mention feel that much worse about yourself. Why? Why go down that road? Don’t get me wrong it’s entertaining the daily gossip. It is.

I heard Jillian Michael’s say “Why chose failure when success is an option.” it’s a good question and applies to everything. Now I can’t stand Jillian Michaels for no other reason than I just don’t like the sound of her voice, but the statement holds true.

So the moral, why be jealous, controlling, bossy, you know. When you could just be happy. Why self loathe when you could be beautiful. Why cry when you could laugh? Why choose failure when you can be a success and not a psychological mess?

May 11, 2011

Write about a mistake you can learn from?

There are so many to chose from. When I read this I thought it would be easy. A huge mistake I learned a lesson from. I guess all the little mistakes add up after a while.

I watch parents. I listen to what they have to say. I respect the fact that most try to be the best parent they can. Kids don’t come with handbooks. We all heard this from our mothers. Now that we are parents we understand. There is one thing that I find I learn the most from my kids. I say I’m sorry when I’m wrong.

When my parents were wrong and they were a great deal of the time. They never apologized. There word was law regardless. We had no voice and even if we did it meant very little. I see kids that face this situation all the time.

Kids have opinions, ideas about the world. They see through fresh lenses. They learn from us and god willing they learn something decent. I have bad habits. I say stupid things and pretend to know things I don’t. I don’t pretend to be a good mom, but I try.

Over the years I have apologized with tears in my eyes for being wrong. I didn’t listen. I jumped to conclusions. I got mad. I punished when I should have been praised. I wanted it my way, and I didn’t want them to see my shame. I was and am superior to them. I’m not.

Being wrong is part of life. It’s who we are. I don’t mind being wrong these day. In fact I cherish the moments when I can show humility. I have learned that this is not a dictatorship. It is a relationship and like a marriage or a friendship, and it has to be treated as such. I have to let my children make the wrong choices so they can make the right decisions. I am only here to help guide them down a decent path. Open their eyes to my experiences and let them make their choice based on that.

Children have a voice that should be heard. They are individuals who are nothing like us. It doesn’t always have to be done my way. There way might be better. Apologize it will bring a world of gifts. Children forgive like dogs. Lol.

For the mistakes I’ve made I have learned to apologize. I have learned to let go and move on. My children are great teachers.

May 9, 2011

Time

Time. The obvious, we all wish we had more of it. All the things we have to do. All the things we want to do. Place to go people to see. That’s how the expression goes.

I’m not sure about the going places. Maybe Ireland. I’m not fond of traveling though the moors would be amazing.

I’m not sure I wish I had more time in a day. Here is everything I would like to do. Drink coffee, read, write, workout, yoga, play guitar, just sit, cook, then sit some more with a beer. That’s what I would like to spend my day doing. I would like to spend my time learning to be better. To be something more than I am. Time to be me.

I don’t want to drive, go to the store or the bank. I don’t want to wait in a line, nobody does. It’s all a waste of time. I don’t like shopping. How do people do that all day?

I think when I’m lying on my bed in the middle of the afternoon staring at the wall I should be doing something better with my time. I have thought this a great deal over the years. I should have better time management. I shouldn’t waste so much of it. Then, I believe it was a gloomy day. One before I got sick that I was doing just that. Lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon doing nothing. The laundry needed to be folded. The bed need to be made, and there was at least ten other things calling my name. It dawned on me at just that moment that I was doing what I wanted to do. Enjoyment at last. I was doing what I wanted to do. Why in the world does it take so long for us, maybe just me, to figure out that life is just that simple. Life just doesn’t have to be complicated. If you can’t to sit and do nothing, why do anything.

The importance of priority. Laundry needs to be done, food should be made, floors should be washed. These are the things that have a low priority until they don’t. I have plenty of clothes, an apple will be fine, and it’s just dirt. That, the dirt, laundry will be the tomorrow, so will my hunger for that matter. The bank, bills, work, those have a higher priority. These things let me enjoy my life. Then there is the miscellaneous things, like the car registration, that get done in a timely matter. When the time has come. Not sooner. Everything has a place. It helps to keep life tidy.

I’d like to have time to figure out this WordPress thing. I see you have pictures. I’m trying. The time will come. Might be awhile. I would like to play the blues better, but I’m happy just strumming my happy tunes for now. I’m a pretty simple person. Happy except when I’m not. Content except when I’m anxious. Pleased with the way life turned out.

Time is constantly moving forward, never stopping. Take time to smell the roses is old but never out dated. Time brings a sense of happiness. The day my kids were born. Time brings a sense of sorrow. The day my friend died. Time is everything. An all encompassing emotion that leaves no stone unturned, no emotion left behind.

All moments lead to now. Time has taught me patience, or maybe I am just old, tired, lazy, or just to content to be bothered. It has taught me urgency, to be busy, to plan. Time to be here or there.

May 7, 2011

Sweet sweet bitterness

     Like i have said before. I try to read my share of blogs. Your start to notice a thing or two about people. Some are happy we let those pass by without thought. They bring us happiness and we like that. There are times of sadness. We feel compelled to feel their sorrow. Bitterness, there is nothing sweet about it. it brings the need to judge, judge harshly. Why?

I am bitter because my life is not perfect. I do not have the things I want, my parents did me wrong in some way, my significant other cheated, lied, left. My kids, are always causing trouble. My job sucks. My friends are not true friends. Blah, Blah, Blah. I blame the world for my current condition.

I would like to say that I feel bad for you. That I feel your pain. Oh, I can relate, for some days just suck. I don’t feel bad for you though. I don’t feel your pain. In fact, I should not lower my expectations to yours. Honestly, I hope things get better for you, but I doubt they will with you lack of self worth or optimism, and in about five minutes I will either be gossiping about your plight or just moving on with my life. If at this point your angry then the shoe probably fit. My opinion. Im not trying to be hateful. I am trying to make a point

I would say that we do and we don’t have control of our destiny. I would say that you are the only person that can change your life. Bitterness like anger engulfs us. It take control easily. Its a whisper inside our very being that doesn’t stop talking. But what of the past: my parents beat me, my job was lousy, my husband is or was mean, controlling, cheating, my kids are on drugs, my dog bites people, I got a ticket for talking on my cell phone or speeding, All that is in the past is in the past. Leave it there. Own up to it and leave it there.

I have had a happy life. It’s still that way. There are things I do not like; things that make me angry, screaming mad. Those issues that made me feel this in the past will remain unchanged. I can not change them. I can’t go back. I have done and said things not to be proud of and memories haunt me from time to time. I feel my shame. Let it embrace and I am grateful. I am grateful I have learned a lesson. I have taken my punishment with grace and understanding. I sigh relief when the shame has passed. I know it will be back. It has a trigger that has not exceptions. It wants to judge me. I will not let it though I do not mind that it has come to visit. A reminder of all that I am today.

Life was not meant to sour, though I do believe there are tortured souls. Speaking in general we have to let go. We can prevent many things by letting go. My boyfriend cheated on me. He really hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt again. Soon as time goes you start dating again. You have nervous trust. One of many things are going to happen. One he’s a cheater to. In that case maybe you should evaluate the type of guys you like. Two, he’s not a cheater, and your wasting you time over the bitter past. The ice you lay before you is very thin. Your anxiety will drive him away. Three, and this is always possible, he may cheat on you 17 years down the road. In that case just walk away. Be happy for the great times and walk away. Why let the negative trump the positive. Why?

In any case you have control. With any past situation you have control. Your parents did you wrong in some way. It’s in the past and you have control. Your job fired you and you think it was done unfairly. Evaluate yourself be honest about your actions. You have control to change not only the situation, but yourself.

The truth hurts. It always has and always will when presented by the negative. If it is said your a loser, hateful, mean then maybe you are. Change, take control or accept who you are. It’s easy to be angry, difficult to be happy. I hear this. I don’t accept it. You shouldn’t either. Judge yourself harshly; find happiness in the day. Use the cliches; the silver lining, the kind jester. Don’t let what rightfully belongs to you be consumed by past demons.

May 7, 2011

What is it

What is it about me that makes me most like you
What is the difference between us two
The words that you say that ring in my ear
The words that you say the one I don’t want to hear
What makes us different. We are so much alike
Our thoughts, our feelings we hide from sight
Theres a little bit if me in every part of you
There’s a little bit of you in everything I do

I wore this a couple nights ago and suspect that it goes along with thinking. They all go along with thinking and thinking goes along with thinking.

I feel I have a friend. Your comments inspired. They always do. I have meet accomplishment, and in doing so, well, it’s nice to meet you. I have read your words and found the we have so much in common. In fact we have thousands of things in common, the, a, and, who, I, me you. These are only just a few. The simple words that make me like you. When I meet you here for coffee every morning I see that we are both one dimension flat on a page.