Posts tagged ‘reflection’

September 15, 2012

Just babbeling

How do you perceive the world, and for that matter time in its relation to the previous perception.

I remember being a kid. Everything in life was a tragedy. There were no answers to the questions as the questions had no foundation in logic or general perception. As a child, to include teenagers, we perceive the world in such a strange matter. We didn’t think in absolutes. There were no consequences to our actions if we didn’t get caught. Its was survival of the fittest and only the mentally strong survived.

At just 16 years of age 2 of my friends had committed suicide. I’m not sorry they are gone. I don’t feel bad for them. They made a choice. What I do think about from time to time is how they perceived the world. Both kids came from decent homes with stable parents of the middle class, my perception. So, one could ask what went wrong, speculate. For me I have no idea as I suppose no one else does. Maybe it can be suggested that their very souls were troubled. That their minds perceived a different world than the rest of us lived in. It is had to say what is normal when there is no biases for normality. We all must die at some point no matter how the life is taken. This particular incident is the driving force for many thoughts. Why people do what they do. Why people think or act a certain way. How we perceive the world around us.

One of my perceptions that has come from this.

I was sitting the other day thinking about the fact that I was doing nothing and that nothing in and of itself is quite actually something. For what reason was I doing nothing. Was I just being lazy. Was I bored which by the way is a ridiculous thought in and of its self because we can always conjure up something to do. Boredom is just an excuse to justify why your doing nothing. A reason to complain that the world in not catering to you at the moment. So, there I was sitting, just sitting.

If I sit and do nothing; that’s my choice. If i sit doing nothing and wish i had done something; that’s my choice. So maybe sitting doing nothing us exactly what I want to do. If indeed it is exactly what I want to do then there can be no complaint. On the other hand, if it is not what I want to do then I should change what I am doing so that it is. Will doing nothing result in regret of time wasted. I refuse to have regret, so it can not. I must accept my actions as being a direct result of how I perceive  the world around me.
I need to work on the clarity of this one. Be back Later.


May 30, 2011

Memorial Day

I never really think to much about this. As it turns out it’s just another day off, although today I chose to come into work. It’s the first time I have worked this particular holiday in eight years.

As always I sat on my front porch drinking coffee with my husband, reading emails, playing words with friends, checking groupon. The usual stuff. Not thinking anything about the day. It just a day. Then…….my iPad started beeping with all the site subscriptions I have. Everyone was writing about Memorial day in one way or another.

The lives that have been lost; the lives that have been forgotten. The injured. The found. Every life has a value to someone. Every person has been loved. Everyone gone remembered in some way by someone.

I work with Marines. I have lost friends, and acquaintances to war. I remember them often. The smile on their faces. The sound of their voice. The kindness in their hearts. The things they loved to do with their free time: skydiving, sailing, rock climbing, biking, etc. They are all amazing men.

At work guys don’t speak of the war much. I never really ask. Their home. There with family and the war is in the past, although I hear my share of stories.  Most are amazing and totally different than what you hear in mass media. It makes you wonder, so I no longer watch stories about the war.  The Marines are proud and I am proud of them.

I have meet boys who are now men that have lost their sight, their arms, their legs, the normal mental state. I used to feel sorry for them. I don’t anymore. They are proud of their misfortune. Proud of the job they have done. Willing to do it again without regret.

I don’t think about all I am grateful for everyday. I should. We have many freedoms that others don’t.  I should be more grateful. It’s a shame we need a day to celebrate the one who sacrificed. Those who have lost their lives for our benefit. Those who have sacrificed their lives for the ones they love. The country they love. It’s a shame that as a people we forget. We get so involved with the day to day we simply don’t have the time to remember. At the very least we have today.

In loving memory of my friend.

May 29, 2011

Chaney Ranch

This is an updated post. Jantz sent us a video he made of our son. And quit frankly I am super stoked about it.

May 29, 2011

Funny little things

Years ago long before kids. My husband and I were grocery shopping. As I walked down the isle I said, “I can’t remember that one thing. I know I’m forgetting something.” Just that split second as we came around the isle he says while passing another slightly older couple, ” If we’d had sex last night you could had made a grocery list.” more often than not I just ignore him, but I hear the older gentlemen laughing and whispering to his wife, so my husband gets the glare and the eye roll which makes him proud. That is one of my favorite memories without a doubt.

When my daughter was three we were at Sams club. I told my daughter to wait with nana while I put her brother in the car. She didn’t. She ran into the parking lot. I took here back to nana. She ran into the parking lot again. I was getting irritated at this point. Then she wouldn’t get in her car seat. She made her body stiff as a board. I was seriously irritated. This went on for a few more minutes. I took her out and we were standing at the back of my SUV discussing. Ok, I was talking and she was being a stubborn child. So, I picked up a gallon of water and proceeded to pour some of it over her head. I figured this ought to cool her off. Nope. She said, ” Now I have to change my jammmies!” I love that moment. The look in her eyes. The tone of her voice. Her stubborn attitude. I will never, no not ever forget that day. That is truly my awesome daughter.

My son is funny to. He is very observant. He can turn observation in to a comedy. Just the other day we were at Food for Less. I asked him to bag the groceries and mentioned that my bags were in the cart. I proceeded to finish paying and as I turned around I noticed he didn’t use my bags. “Didn’t you hear me say the bags were in the cart.” “Yep” he says. “Those bags are for Vons. You can’t use them here.” I did not know this. He was quit serious, so I took him for his word. I will know better next time to bring the appropriate store bags. My son is very mechanical and sees the world without shades of gray. Not a day goes by without observational comedy. What’s not to love about this.

May 20, 2011

Texting, friend or foe

Texting has to be one of the greatest inventions of mankind. That with the IPhone and a data package you can rule the world from anywhere, any time.

Texting serves a few simple purposes which can save you a great deal of time

Could you……
Don’t forget……
Did you……

In these cases there isn’t a need to have a detailed phone conversation. Its convenient, but there comes a time when texting has just plainly overstayed it’s welcome.

Texting during a movie I paid $7.50 to see.
Texting while at the cashier and we all now have to wait for you.
Texting while at a red light. My bad.
Texting while having a conversation with another person.
Texting in the customer service business

My kids text each other on the couch, at the dinner table, across the room. I have been known to text my kids from downstairs because I don’t feel the need to yell or venture up the steps.

Texting has become a legitimate language: idk, omg, brb, abt2. There are enough abbreviations to fill a book

Communication is one of the most valuable traits one person can acquire. It expresses how we feel by the very sound of our voice. After a long day of work it gives us a reason to enjoy each others company. It is the reason, almost solely, that we come together for food and drink. Communication has bridged the gap between countries It has formed alliances and started wars. It has lead us to the point in which we stand now, texting. Texting has played a significant part in current revolutions. Texting, in of itself, has changed the very way life is lived.

When we look at our history as a civilization we have hieroglyphics, letters, newspapers, diaries, journals. Most of which have been hand written. We have a rich past that we can touch and feel. What of the future? How well we then define who we are now. Emails will be deleted, text’s will be gone and computers destroyed. I write nothing on paper. In fact I rarely use paper at all. I have no hard copy of photos. I have very few back up drives, so when all is lost it is truly lost.

Realizing there is a certain joy to being able to be in touch with your friends and family any time. There is also a pitfall as the Thanksgiving table is now quiet. We are all caught up, and there is nothing left to say. There was a time when my husband and I texted everything throughout the day. Now I just wait till he gets home. It’s amazing how much more time I have not texting and how much more I appreciate his company when he is home.

Texting, my friend or foe.

May 19, 2011

Sunny Day

There is nothing, at least nothing I can think of that measures up to rain. It has rained for two days here in SoCal. and what once was dry in need of water now flourishes with life. Because of the rain I have not been out in my vegetable garden, so this morning was truly amazing. The dust of dryness is gone and the skies are clear. Each petal, each plant is awake….awaiting the morning sun, reaching towards the sky. The squash and zucchini flowers are brilliant yellow and have never looked bigger.

Whats reaches to me the most is the solitude; the peacefulness, quiet. Each plant speaks volumes of what it will do for my life. How it will change my life. How the flavors will inspire my cooking and my soul.

May 18, 2011

Red light cams

There isn’t a whole bunch where I live but if you go to Escondido California you can expect to see one on every corner. It’s crazy. It makes you paranoid. Who wants to drive under those conditions. I don’t go to Escondido for that very reason. I have friends there but we meet other places because Escondido sucks.

Realize this, these are third party companies, and it costs the cities a whole lot of money to hire these companies and all there administrators to cycle through all the pictures. Let’s not forget the maintenance on these camera that the city is getting billed for money that could be better spent having actual police officers on our streets stopping criminals.

One study says these cameras cause more accidents because people are so paranoid they slam on there brakes and get rear ended. Nobody intentionally wants to get into an accident and most law abiding citizens don’t intentionally run red lights.

If you lend some one your car and get a red light cam violation it is you that’s responsible, the owner of the car. Not the person you were trying to help out by lending them your car. Which leads the owner of the car and consequently me into being an asshole and not letting anyone borrow my car.

The way I see it. Forget the criminals as these cities are obviously not that concerned so much with that as punishing and gouging the pockets of their very citizens that support them. Most of us can’t move because of cost, but I did. I was not and will not live in a city that punishes me, a law abiding citizen.

It’s bad enough our state can balance a check book and is gouging us for taxes, fine and fees. Our cities do it to. There is nobody immune to the corruption of our local, state and federal governments. But, to blatantly smack me in the face with red light cameras. Really.

I didn’t get a ticket, so that not what the rants for. My friend lives in Escondido and I will not go visit or spend any money there because of these cameras. The topic was just on my mind.

May 16, 2011

Should you help the homeless. Why or why not.

On my way to work there is an old guy with a tattered beard that sits on the side of the road. Sometimes he has a chair, but most of the time he sits on the ground gazing at the traffic as it passes by. My daughter goes with me to work frequently and has named him Bob, so that’s what I will call him here. Bob has been there many years. Sitting on the side of the road. They have construction going on to widen the road so I often wonder where he might go. Bob has been the topic of many conversations. We wonder where he sleeps. If he has a tent in the near by woods. We wonder where he gets his food. If people feel sorry for him and bring him McDonalds from down the street. We wonder if he works in one of the nearby farms, but we don’t think it likely. Bob never has a sign begging for change, nor has he ever. He has always just been there. I think Bob is unique.

Next to were I work there is a catholic church. They feed the homeless all the time. They lounge around all over the street, leave trash and urinate behind our building. I’m not even sure the church is doing a great service with their cup of soup lunch, but it’s not a decision for me to make

Where I live you can find the destitute standing on the corner begging for change. I have seen signs like, “Only fives and tens accepted.” Are you kidding me. I have seen then get out of cars to stand on the corner. I have seen them stand with children and dogs. I have seen some crazy things as I am sure you have. The type of crazy that makes you not want to help anybody.

I think that the point here I am trying to make is help the homeless is a kind jester. Volunteering is a wonderful thing, though it’s not something I do. It is probably something that I will never do in a homeless charity situation. If our government wasn’t such criminals in California we would have more jobs but they tax and fine companies right out of business. The fees alone to start a business will kill a dream. If we had more jobs there would be less need for social welfare. If we spent more time educating our children than we did with bureaucracy more teens would come out of high school being able to do more than work at Walmart. These are general statements. The are a million scenarios to each. I know this and I am not at all placing the burden on the state. The burden should rest with the homeless as well.

I have to admit I don’t care for them much. It’s not a situation that I would volunteer to help. There’s no easy answer here. Through out time society has had the burden of the homeless, the freeloaders, the vagrants, those lost to misfortune. For those who truly suffer then yes. The burden on society would be short lived, but for those who choose to make a career out of the kindness of others then no, and let them remain outcast from mainstream society.

Life isn’t easy. It shouldn’t be. It should be fun. It should be work. It should have joys. Both the ups and the downs. We should face hard times and good time. Life should never be a hand out, but rather a helping hand in a time of need.

May 16, 2011

Perspective on raising girls

I often talk to parents about how they raise their children, daughters mostly. Mine has been a little more difficult than my son. In terms of raising her I tend to think psychologically as I wanted her to be balanced, and well adjusted.

When my daughter was two I was very new to the study of children. I should have known when she cried the first three months of her life she would be a challenge. I should have known when she skipped over the crawling and went straight to running I was in for it, but I didn’t.

When she was two and getting in trouble one day I sat her in a chair and told her to stay, like a dog I suppose. I told her if she got out of the chair I would spank her. I don’t know why. Spanking serves no other purpose than to hurt my hand, but that’s what I said. This played itself out several times and the only thing it got me was a sore hand. She never cried because her butt was covered with a diaper, but she did have fun tormenting me.

As the years passed the same situation presented itself over and over again in different scenarios mostly in the form of us screaming at each other. I never quite understood why until now that she would do anything her father said but fight me tooth and nail over the smallest thing.

Never does she have conflict with her father. If he asked her to do anything she does without complaint, because she knows this will pit him against her mother. If she severs their bond then she can becomes the leader. This can be her tribe. Dad always sides with mom but as a young child she never stops trying.

It’s just recently I hear people referring to their families as a tribes. It is the most accurate statement that can be made about the family unit. We are tribes. Preindustrialization, and modern man both men and women had roles to play. Although in the fifties era,  the Beaver Cleavers showed great signs of the separation of men and women in the home. Men went to work, they were hunters of food, protectors of the home. They were builders. The foundation of the very tribe in which they belonged. Women were the gatherers, the ones that nurtured the children into their appropriate place within the tribe. Women supplied the essence of tribes very life. Everybody has a job and they were clearly defined.

In the case of a mother and daughter. A daughter is meant for these things. I believe genetically. She is born to nurture, to supply the very essence of leadership that will one day support and guide her own tribe. Without her no tribe can exist. Now that’s not to say that boys and men do not serve the same functions in their roles but it’s clearly another essay. Females no matter the age are meant to do great things and conflict arises when there are two making the same soup.

My daughter from birth genetically, I believe, is a leader. All girls are. She wants to lead to take control of the tribe. She fights for this. She wants to make the decisions, and tells me no when she doesn’t like mine. It creates conflict, fights, a struggle between her very nature to be a leader and her age. This explains a lot about why little girls like dolls. They are playing the role of leader. Preparing for the day when she posses her own tribe.

When my daughter was three or four she wanted to pick her own clothes to wear. She wanted to make decisions, chose what she wore, what she ate, what cup she drank out of. These were all critical decisions that prepare her for life ahead. I let her do all these things. It actually makes my life easier. Now her choice is clothing hasn’t always been the best but it covered the parts of her body that needed to be covered so it was fine with me Because it is her peers that will judge her new look with blatant truth, I do not have to be the bad guy. It is her peers that become my greatest ally. They judge harshly and allow me to play the role of nurturer instead of dictator. They hurt her feelings when they say her outfit is ugly, or she’s fat, stupid, etc. To resolve this I get to tell her she is an individual, beautiful, brilliant. I get to educate her on proper nutrition, fashion, the three R’s of education. She turns to me and I become the hero, the caretaker, the wise one. It works in my favor every time.

As my daughter got older she found new ways to assert her leadership. She got bossy with everybody. The kids on the playground, our son, nana, papa, but never dad. She would tell her brother he was sick and he needed to stay in bed and home from school. She would command him to eat his veggies. Don’t throw sand at the playground someone could get hurt. Don’t go up the slide that way it’s not safe. She was being a mother and rightfully so. She is born to do this genetically, nurture, care for, emotionally tend to. We praise our daughters for these traits. We encourage these traits. This is her way of learning how to prepare for the future. How to be a mother. She immolates us because genetically that is what she is supposed to be learning in these early years.

As my daughter moves into the teen years she is afford more freedom to make tougher choices, more responsibility. She recently had to research a new school and find out if its a fit for her. She made the final decision and it coincided with mine. It worked naturally the way it’s supposed to. We have fewer fights because we work together for the greater good. I encourage her to make mistakes, take risks. She need only hear about my experiences but learn her own lessons.

I know a women that has three girls the oldest the same age as mine. She tells them how to dress everyday How to wear their hair. In fact she does it for them. They make no choices. None. They are told what sports they can play. The mother rules every aspect of their life. They have no freedoms. They are servants to their mothers will. Now this is extreme, but look forward ten years and picture what I see….rebellion and lots of it. Their mother has told me great, fantastical stories of her own rebellion but had not learned a single lesson from it.

There is not need to cuddle your child. The dress them, feed them, or rule with a heavy hand. Children by design know their path and are willing to tell us if we would only listen.

May 16, 2011


I’m not a great writer, but I enjoy it. I’m not very good at telling stories either but I’m trying. I hope you get from this story the joy I got from hearing it.

I work all day Sunday and the best part of work is the conversations. Most of the time the chatter is about nothing more than what guys did Friday and Saturday night. It’s always interesting, drunk stumpers, raging parties, but yesterday was different I meet a guy who had just come home from Afghanistan. I know lots of guys that had been though I don’t usually ask them about their trip. This guy shared part of his.

It’s easy to take for granted that we have running water and electricity. We have had it all our lives. When ever we feel like it we can use the bathroom, take a shower, wash our hand, have a drink. It nice. We can turn on the light and read a book to our children, put on a night light when our children are scared of the dark, have motion detectors out side to secure our property. Water and electricity alone gives us the life of royalty many wish they had.

It is my understanding that for the most part people around the world want what we have. What we take for granted, and it’s not just the basics like water, electricity. It’s everything. It’s safety, protection, rights, education, freedom, shelter, and these are what we consider basic rights. Then we have more above and beyond the basic needs, iPads, computers, cars, money, nice clothes, toys, and time to spend with our family. When you lay it out like this we truly are kings and queens like no other in history.

The man I talked to lived in a remote area of Afghanistan for seven months. There was no water or electricity. No bathrooms, no showers. For him it was an amazing experience. They built schools and kept the village safe. They helped where the could and the people appreciated it. The form bonds with the elders and are greatly missed now that they a gone although another group has come to take their place.

As the guy was telling me about all that they didn’t have and how they wanted to be like us. I had only one question. Is gratitude a hard concept for his daughter to understand. (I had noticed her walking by with him before he came in to get his hair cut. She was about the age of my daughter and I was a little curious.) He smiled, and I knew the story would be great.

As he did his duty in a country that very little he found that the people were basically happy. They appreciated even the simplest things. When he would call his daughter and tell her how the kids had no toys, no game stations, nothing that we have the daughter wanted to do something special. Over the years they had bought there daughter build a bears from the places they had traveled. She had a fine collection of thirty or more. With the help of her mom she boxed all of them up and shipped them to her dad. For every bear her father gave away he took a picture to send to his daughter. In her room she has all the picture of the happiness she brought into this world. She was unselfish and kind. She found a way to relate to those less fortunate than her. She gave without any expectation of monetary return.

The dad said the kids were happier than you could imagine. They didn’t believe that some would do something so generous. The shared this new found joy with their friends. This is a type of gratitude that most of us will never know. Most of us will never visit a third world country and see the face of a young child smiling with gratitude, but today I wish I could.