Posts tagged ‘resolution’

May 14, 2011


Let the drama begin said the conductor to the audience. Just like that the orchestra begins and every player has their part. That’s how it goes. There is one conductor and everyone else has a role to play.

My daughter is eleven and has hit the age of drama. I consider myself lucky that she’s not the causing it. I would like to think that a healthy childhood leads to less drama. I have always told my daughter she is beautiful inside and out. She’s a little vain. I have always told her she is intelligent. Home and public schooled her. I have always kept it real. If she was being a bitch. I told her she was. If she wronged someone I made her apologize even if it was a small indiscretion. When someone was taking her lunch I made her stand up for herself. She did. When she got in a fight. I praised her for defending herself. She was in the right to do so. When her feelings were hurt we talked about it. I explained how life works and she is not now or will ever be the center of attention for everybody all the time. And, when it comes to drama I just won’t tolerate it. Jealousy, controlling, anger, bossy, you know all those things that wrap drama up in a nice little package agitate me to no end.

Now that my daughter is a little older, boys and drama are beginning to be an issue. She comes home from school and always tells me the latest. She bosses him around; he wants to break up with her; she not happy with him; he’s talking to another girl. Your getting the picture…right. We laugh about it quite a bit. My daughter always get caught in the middle between her friend and her friends new boyfriend of the week. She to is part of the orchestra.

Drama is nothing more than low self worth, self esteem, self value, however you wish to say it. I wonder how a perfectly normal, cute girl ends up this way. I could speculate that either her parents were to busy with their life or jobs to attend to her emotionally, or that they were just not educated enough on the matter to do so. Either way her she is causing drama and heartache for herself that will last a lifetime.

Being jealous and controlling is like taking flowers away from bees. You will never get any honey. The only person that suffers is you. Everybody else leaves, moves on. It defiantly sends you spiraling down further into you self loathing pit. Then where are you at. Alone in your room crying, eating ice cream which will make you fat not to mention feel that much worse about yourself. Why? Why go down that road? Don’t get me wrong it’s entertaining the daily gossip. It is.

I heard Jillian Michael’s say “Why chose failure when success is an option.” it’s a good question and applies to everything. Now I can’t stand Jillian Michaels for no other reason than I just don’t like the sound of her voice, but the statement holds true.

So the moral, why be jealous, controlling, bossy, you know. When you could just be happy. Why self loathe when you could be beautiful. Why cry when you could laugh? Why choose failure when you can be a success and not a psychological mess?

May 13, 2011


I’m going to venture out on a limb today and talk about God. My mom told when I was little that you don’t talk about religion or politics. I don’t. I rarely ever bring it up. Not even with my husband. Politics sends him on a rampage. He’s that guy. He listens to talk radio all day, so he is pretty well informed and has a strong opinion. I respect that, though our opinions differ on a lot of topics. Like most of us he sees the world his way, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I see the world mine, and we both agree to disagree. It keeps the peace.

God is something we both agree very strongly about. Not in the general go to church every Sunday sort of way though, and I am going to apologize right now if I offend you. Stop reading at any time.

When I was little I went to church most Sunday’s. We got dressed up and after church my mom would cook a feast. We all sat down at the table and made a picture perfect family. Nothing bad happened to me at church so it’s not where my opinion comes from. My opinion is based solely on the crazies out there.

The other day when I was at jury duty a man approached my in the parking lot. There was about a hundred people waiting to get in the building so I wasn’t intimidated. He wanted to talk to me about God. He was in his mid 20’s and was wearing a nice suit, and got one sentence out, before I went off.

First, (and I pause because I want to make sure he is listening.) you are not old enough to preach to me about god. I seriously doubt you have any worldly knowledge on the topic. With that I walked away. I’m sure he is a fine young man, but that’s the point he’s a man.

The bible is a book and like any other book it is left to ones interpretation. That’s the problem. Interpretation has lead us to war, rape, pillage, destruction, brain washing, etc. Interpretation is opinion. You have one and so do I. There is no other topic where interpretation enrages me as much as it does here.

I believe in god. I pray. What’s not to like about it. I have done the just this time god. I promise I will never do it again, until I do. It makes me human. I don’t pretend to be better than other people, I’m not. I follow the ten commandments especially the not killing people part. I try to do nice things and see other peoples side of the story. I’m a decent person I think. I might be wrong.

God is not the problem. Man is, and he’s frickin crazy, nuts, insane. I know that this may not apply to you, but it does apply to those who are. Take this war in Afghanistan, Palestine, Egypt all in the name of god. What about those catholic priests raping boys. God there to. What about the Mormons. Multiple wives, compounds, throwing young men out on the streets. God. Now I know Catholics and Mormons who are great people. In fact they are awesome and I am proud to know them. Only the nut jobs apply here, but there are enough of them to make me stay out of the churches and away from the cloth.

Who am I to judge you on your life. You have to do whats right for you. Make opinion where you have none. Follow your heart where ever it leads, but if it leads you into a church I’m not coming. When my dad retired he ran right to the church and became a pastor. He took some classes and boom he’s a pastor. Nothing wrong with that. He always wanted to go to seminary school. My grandma is the same. She’s 94 and watches the God channel all day. That’s fine. I have a client who’s a youth pastor. He’s awesome. I dig that that guy. None of this offends me, but I am not now and will never be willing to have a conversation about your interpretation of the bible. Nope never. God makes people do and say crazy things. Im not getting sucked into that.

Now that I’m thinking about I dated a guy when I was about 20. Everything was fine till he found God. We broke up. He wanted me to go to church with him every night, nope not doing it. He wanted me to take of Sunday’s from my job, nope not doing it. He turned crazy preaching all the time. I left. It’s simple. There is no other thing on this planet besides mother nature that has wrecked more havoc than mans interpretation of god. I want no part of it.

If all this means I am going to hell well then I hear they serve beer, sign me up. I don’t mean to make light of the situation. I respect your beliefs. I took a couple of classes on world religions in college. They were fascinating, and people are crazy.

May 11, 2011

Write about a mistake you can learn from?

There are so many to chose from. When I read this I thought it would be easy. A huge mistake I learned a lesson from. I guess all the little mistakes add up after a while.

I watch parents. I listen to what they have to say. I respect the fact that most try to be the best parent they can. Kids don’t come with handbooks. We all heard this from our mothers. Now that we are parents we understand. There is one thing that I find I learn the most from my kids. I say I’m sorry when I’m wrong.

When my parents were wrong and they were a great deal of the time. They never apologized. There word was law regardless. We had no voice and even if we did it meant very little. I see kids that face this situation all the time.

Kids have opinions, ideas about the world. They see through fresh lenses. They learn from us and god willing they learn something decent. I have bad habits. I say stupid things and pretend to know things I don’t. I don’t pretend to be a good mom, but I try.

Over the years I have apologized with tears in my eyes for being wrong. I didn’t listen. I jumped to conclusions. I got mad. I punished when I should have been praised. I wanted it my way, and I didn’t want them to see my shame. I was and am superior to them. I’m not.

Being wrong is part of life. It’s who we are. I don’t mind being wrong these day. In fact I cherish the moments when I can show humility. I have learned that this is not a dictatorship. It is a relationship and like a marriage or a friendship, and it has to be treated as such. I have to let my children make the wrong choices so they can make the right decisions. I am only here to help guide them down a decent path. Open their eyes to my experiences and let them make their choice based on that.

Children have a voice that should be heard. They are individuals who are nothing like us. It doesn’t always have to be done my way. There way might be better. Apologize it will bring a world of gifts. Children forgive like dogs. Lol.

For the mistakes I’ve made I have learned to apologize. I have learned to let go and move on. My children are great teachers.

May 7, 2011

Sweet sweet bitterness

     Like i have said before. I try to read my share of blogs. Your start to notice a thing or two about people. Some are happy we let those pass by without thought. They bring us happiness and we like that. There are times of sadness. We feel compelled to feel their sorrow. Bitterness, there is nothing sweet about it. it brings the need to judge, judge harshly. Why?

I am bitter because my life is not perfect. I do not have the things I want, my parents did me wrong in some way, my significant other cheated, lied, left. My kids, are always causing trouble. My job sucks. My friends are not true friends. Blah, Blah, Blah. I blame the world for my current condition.

I would like to say that I feel bad for you. That I feel your pain. Oh, I can relate, for some days just suck. I don’t feel bad for you though. I don’t feel your pain. In fact, I should not lower my expectations to yours. Honestly, I hope things get better for you, but I doubt they will with you lack of self worth or optimism, and in about five minutes I will either be gossiping about your plight or just moving on with my life. If at this point your angry then the shoe probably fit. My opinion. Im not trying to be hateful. I am trying to make a point

I would say that we do and we don’t have control of our destiny. I would say that you are the only person that can change your life. Bitterness like anger engulfs us. It take control easily. Its a whisper inside our very being that doesn’t stop talking. But what of the past: my parents beat me, my job was lousy, my husband is or was mean, controlling, cheating, my kids are on drugs, my dog bites people, I got a ticket for talking on my cell phone or speeding, All that is in the past is in the past. Leave it there. Own up to it and leave it there.

I have had a happy life. It’s still that way. There are things I do not like; things that make me angry, screaming mad. Those issues that made me feel this in the past will remain unchanged. I can not change them. I can’t go back. I have done and said things not to be proud of and memories haunt me from time to time. I feel my shame. Let it embrace and I am grateful. I am grateful I have learned a lesson. I have taken my punishment with grace and understanding. I sigh relief when the shame has passed. I know it will be back. It has a trigger that has not exceptions. It wants to judge me. I will not let it though I do not mind that it has come to visit. A reminder of all that I am today.

Life was not meant to sour, though I do believe there are tortured souls. Speaking in general we have to let go. We can prevent many things by letting go. My boyfriend cheated on me. He really hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt again. Soon as time goes you start dating again. You have nervous trust. One of many things are going to happen. One he’s a cheater to. In that case maybe you should evaluate the type of guys you like. Two, he’s not a cheater, and your wasting you time over the bitter past. The ice you lay before you is very thin. Your anxiety will drive him away. Three, and this is always possible, he may cheat on you 17 years down the road. In that case just walk away. Be happy for the great times and walk away. Why let the negative trump the positive. Why?

In any case you have control. With any past situation you have control. Your parents did you wrong in some way. It’s in the past and you have control. Your job fired you and you think it was done unfairly. Evaluate yourself be honest about your actions. You have control to change not only the situation, but yourself.

The truth hurts. It always has and always will when presented by the negative. If it is said your a loser, hateful, mean then maybe you are. Change, take control or accept who you are. It’s easy to be angry, difficult to be happy. I hear this. I don’t accept it. You shouldn’t either. Judge yourself harshly; find happiness in the day. Use the cliches; the silver lining, the kind jester. Don’t let what rightfully belongs to you be consumed by past demons.

January 5, 2011

Self Doubt

I have certainly hit the age where I don’t really care what people think of me although that’s not to say that I dont value their opinion or willingly accept their criticism. I was reading some blogs today and this popped in my head.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

That’s a tough question even for me and I am grown up. I am not sure that I wanted to be what I am but I know I didn’t want to be a social worker. That’s what I went to college for – for eight years. I enjoyed every minute, every assignment, every friend.  I think looking back I would have rather studied writing but I am not sure that I enjoyed it as much then as I do now, so its hard to say.  I wish my parents would have gotten my left handed guitar lessons. I bummed but do not regret the fact that I didn’t learn to play sooner. I like composing and recording and although I have only written one piece I am very proud of it even if it sucks which I dont think it does. I wish I had taken more art classes because I love to paint but I dont do it much these days because I am really not that into it. My daughter is and that makes me proud. I wish I would have done this or that but I did what I did and all that lead me to the point in my life where I sit here typing. I have no regrets.

So do we wish we would have started things earlier in life. Yep. Do we wish our parents would have known us better as kids. Seen the brighter path. Maybe the one we should have been on. Yep. But I think that a good parent does the best that they can. They work to put food on the table, clothes on your back, education in your mind, and morals in your soul.  You dont come with a handbook, and it is for certian there is no angel telling what you should grow up to be. Sometimes I think it’s gods little game to see who makes it to the right path and who does not.

Does doing one thing in your chosen field make you better at your goal than another. No, one should aspire to be well rounded. To constantly learn on the topic they are passionate about.  There are some great artist in this word and my question to that would be did they want to be great or did they just stumble upon it. Of course this is leaving the prodigies out of the equation. I wonder if Jane Austin set out to be the greatest female writer of all time. She was a good writer for her time and she is one of the greatest of ours.  Mozart is an amazing composer and he was a great composer for his time. Picasso the same. It is unfortunate and just my opinion that we, us will not leave our mark of great reflection until after we die. No matter how big or small it is we will all leave a mark.  The words that you write; the music that you make; the stories you tell; the pictures you paint will all leave there mark. They will change someones opinion; inspire someone to be like you; bring hope where there was once none. Every action you take today will leave an impression on someone in some way.

There is nothing about you that is wrong.

We are our own worst enemy. We judge the way we dress; the way we look; the way we feel; who we love; and most importantly who we are by the thoughts and judgements of the masses. I will probably never meet you. I only know of you because of the words you have written here. You seem like a great person although all that can be a lie. One of the coolest things about writing is the ability to conjure up stories. Here in a blogging worlds you can be whoever you want to be,  We all try to be something that we are not. A picture of what we think society expects. How hard is it truly to be ourselves. To be the person that we are when no one else is around. To love ourselves for how we feel.  I don’t like everybody and not everybody likes me. This is ok because there are a great many people in this world and I just don’t have time for all of them. That said there is no reason why we should try to make everybody happy when its is our individual happiness that is the most important and from that those around us will truly be blessed.

I am going to stop here although I know I have more to say. Reading your blogs have inspired my everyday, and from that inspiration I find my own words. Hope you like them and thanks.

My son asked me this morning if I would regret dying today. Nope not today. Not with a kid like that. He’s awesome

January 5, 2011

This is where things get hairy, Writing

With the end of school vacation coming and my work getting back to normal busy this could be a real challenge.  During Christmas I have a bunch of time off and the rain keeps us inside. That left a lot of time that I could write.

Life gets busy, busy gets hectic and hectic gets nothing accomplished. It would be a shame this early in the game to bow down and let this all go by the way side. So many thoughts that never see transformation in to words.

Here are a few things that I have come up with that I think might help.

Voice recorder on my phones front page so I can easily get to it while driving. Not that I should be messing with my phone while I’m driving.

Leave pen and paper everywhere so even if its a sentence or two I can jot it down.

On the goal of better time management this month. If I am waiting for something take notes instead of playing a game . That’s if there is no one to talk to.  We, as a general population spend a great deal of time waiting.  I wait to pick up my kids from school. I wait in line all the time because I always get in the slowest line.  I wait, you wait and there has to be a way to use this time to my advantage.

I need more focus, but to much organization just kills me. 15 min for this , 15 min for that, etc., would work wonders in everybody life I am sure. Do you know how much weight this world could lose if they worked out for a focused 15 min a day. On the bigger note how much I could write. I know its true.  It is.

On a final note if you are just passing by and have suggestion comments or would just like to share hoe you find them time to write leave a comment. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas. It would help me be successful

January 3, 2011

Splodin’ Pandas

Splodin’ Pandas is the first site I read when I cam to WordPress. I am not sure how I stumbled into this kids site, but I liked that he did Monthly Resolutions. Thought I would give that a try this year.

1. Need to lose the 3 to 5 pounds I put on over the holiday. I workout a bit so this one shouldn’t be to hard.

2. My guitar. I want to be able to play barre chords better by the end of the month and just keep plugging along with my scales at a steady pace. I am practicing, My Sweet Lord by George Harrison, so I would love to be able to play that by February first.

3. Writing of course is a big to do.

4. Manage my time better. I seem to waste a lot of it thinking more than doing.

5. I love to read but I don’t like reading books. I am much more of an article reader Find 5 blogs this month that I can subscribe to.

6. Get to know WordPress a little better. Figure out the categories, tags, etc. This may be more of a three month goal. So be patient will I figure this out.

That’s all I have for the month resolutions. I kind of feel like they are not very profound, but I will try and work on that as the weeks go by and I will try and post updates in this post if I make any headway.