Posts tagged ‘thoughts’

November 7, 2012

MotoExArmor.com

It seems only weeks ago I was writing this blog, but life is always changing.

One day my son needed new armor for his motocross so I went to consult with some of my friends in the military, and we can up with MotoExArmor. This has proved life changing not only for my son but for all of us as a family, as it has become a business. I had no idea that it was going to be this much work. I had no idea how to do half the things I have had to learn how to do. Wow, what an experience it has been, and there are so many more to come.

I have to admit that I don’t feel like a lost soul but rather a person with a purpose. I have a reason to write, be focused and stay motivated. Im not sure what the future will bring, but it will be a worth while adventure to find out.

Heres my links. Check it out. Refer a friend. Give a suggestion, and wish me luck.

http://www.motoexarmor.com
motoarmor.wordpress.com

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September 15, 2012

Just babbeling

How do you perceive the world, and for that matter time in its relation to the previous perception.

I remember being a kid. Everything in life was a tragedy. There were no answers to the questions as the questions had no foundation in logic or general perception. As a child, to include teenagers, we perceive the world in such a strange matter. We didn’t think in absolutes. There were no consequences to our actions if we didn’t get caught. Its was survival of the fittest and only the mentally strong survived.

At just 16 years of age 2 of my friends had committed suicide. I’m not sorry they are gone. I don’t feel bad for them. They made a choice. What I do think about from time to time is how they perceived the world. Both kids came from decent homes with stable parents of the middle class, my perception. So, one could ask what went wrong, speculate. For me I have no idea as I suppose no one else does. Maybe it can be suggested that their very souls were troubled. That their minds perceived a different world than the rest of us lived in. It is had to say what is normal when there is no biases for normality. We all must die at some point no matter how the life is taken. This particular incident is the driving force for many thoughts. Why people do what they do. Why people think or act a certain way. How we perceive the world around us.

One of my perceptions that has come from this.

I was sitting the other day thinking about the fact that I was doing nothing and that nothing in and of itself is quite actually something. For what reason was I doing nothing. Was I just being lazy. Was I bored which by the way is a ridiculous thought in and of its self because we can always conjure up something to do. Boredom is just an excuse to justify why your doing nothing. A reason to complain that the world in not catering to you at the moment. So, there I was sitting, just sitting.

If I sit and do nothing; that’s my choice. If i sit doing nothing and wish i had done something; that’s my choice. So maybe sitting doing nothing us exactly what I want to do. If indeed it is exactly what I want to do then there can be no complaint. On the other hand, if it is not what I want to do then I should change what I am doing so that it is. Will doing nothing result in regret of time wasted. I refuse to have regret, so it can not. I must accept my actions as being a direct result of how I perceive  the world around me.
I need to work on the clarity of this one. Be back Later.

 

September 12, 2012

The whisper

Find wonder in the smallest things
Find beauty in decay
Find hope in desperation
Find me
I am your voice

Find words in all that is lost
Vision in all that is blind
Find me
I am your words

Find love in hate
Compassion in anger
Dream all that can be real
Dream of me
I am your heart

Don’t get lost
Don’t stay away
Don’t hide
Don’t dissolve into nothing
I will find you
I am your soul

Travel lightly
It eases the pain
Joy will overcome
We will regain
We are strong, you and I
We are one

September 9, 2012

Drive

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We do it everyday and many times we do it alone. For me driving is one of those moments that sets my mind free. I have the freedom to listen to music, think, and express my thoughts out loud with no interruption except for the occasional ringing of the phone. My car has Bluetooth by the way.

Often times I think that I should have a recorder, for no other reason than I have the perfect words to say. The only problem is that as soon as I turn one on I have no words to say at all. The words don’t flow or they become so jumbled it’s ridicules.

This is a dilemma that over the years I have yet to solve. The same thing happens with my guitar. As soon as I start recording the notes, strings, strum go flat and nothing. So I put together a list of things that I feel are the problem.

I never want anyone I know to read my blog.
I’m afraid I sound stupid.
I don’t want to be caught listening to myself talk on a recording because as you know everyone knows exactly what I am doing.

Now I know and you know that this is silly, but one simple fact remains. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. That’s why we are here. If you don’t like one of my blog posts, well you just don’t come back. Likewise, the same happens if I don’t like one of yours. There is no judgement just freedom. People in general want to be heard, but we don’t want to face failure among out peers. What better place then a blog to secretly express all that is you.

I may never get all my words in writing, but I suspect neither will you. Quite possibly some of those thoughts that I scream about in my own silence are best left there. It is possible that not writing them leads to a more precise execution of my thoughts. In facing my own dilemma I must come to some resolve.

Write because you like to.
Share your thoughts no matter how dumb you think they are.
Rant and rave about the things that make you angry.
Tell us all you love, cherish, and admire.
Write in all caps when you need to scream out loud about anything.
Most of all express yourself in any way you like.

No matter whether we like it or not we will cheer you on because your here. Believe.

September 7, 2012

What measures a man

ImageIt been a couple years that I told a 17 years old kid, “What measures man is his actions, not his thought, not  his beliefs. ”

I believe this to be a true statement for all humans. It is our actions that make us who we are. It is our beliefs, opinions, values, morals that help guide our actions.

My son is 11. He is not yet a man, but still not a child. Life here is that of a vast labyrith. There are many twists and turns that lead to great black holes and dead ends. These children’s minds wonder in all directions, but down no road is there a sign that points, “This is the right way my dear child. Please take my hand and I will guide you.” The voices scream from every direction calling to the innocence of youth, making demands, challenging the very virtue of the child.

If I let my son do as he please eventually these voices screaming become reason, justification.  I see this happen all the time. Kids 15 years old stealing cars, doing drugs, having sex. Even the 17 year old had a child at 18.

My expectations are high, not because I expect them to meet them, but rather reach for them.  Everywhere in society kids are getting participation awards, feel good moments. If that’s the case then why do we even bother to educate when, in fact, all we need is a babysitter. There cheaper. Kids need to be challenged, expected to seek accomplishment.

It dawned on me the other day that my son could not cook a simple egg, because I have always made breakfast; I like cooking. He can now. Now he can make his own breakfast everyday, and he will.

I dawned on me that my son just expects me to do his laundry. Not anymore.
I will not feed or walk the dog. I will not check his math homework. They have an app for that. I will not do his chores because he wants to go play. Today he will become the man I want him to be.

He will make decisions. He will provide intelligent anwsers based on his participation in education. He will use critical thinking, and form opinions. He will change his mind when appropriate and seek truths where falacies lie. he will stand up for what he believes in and fight for beliefs where warrented. He will be kind, and do the right thing. And most of all before he leaves this house he will be judged harshly, and critically by the actions he chooses to make.

I will always be there to watch him stumble, to make mistakes and learn lifes lessons. I will catch him when he falls, and place punishment when needed. I will be firm and leave no rock left unturned.

Every failure, every one will lead him to success in life. Each and every achievement much greater than any feel good moment can provide.

Men are great when life is earned. You don’t get an award because your breathing.

September 6, 2012

Accountibility

Accountability, do you have any

Accountability isn’t just a place to put blame. It’s the defining factor of who we are. Are we accountable for our actions.

In life it is very easy to blame anything and everything else than take responsibility for your own actions.

My son brought a puppy home that he found, she’s adorable. As any kid would he begged to keep her. “Fine, but I don’t have the time to exercise her, train her, or take care of her.” my son agreed to doing all these duties, as of course any kid would. He did great for a couple of weeks. The last couple of weeks have been very hot so I get that both the dogs and the kids energy of running over the top.

I wasn’t in the door from work more than a minute when my son comes bobbing out and says, “Now you need to get me 2 play station remotes the dog chewed up the other one.” This morning it was a backpack and hat. Yesterday it was Ugg boots. The day be for I found all the couch pillows in the back yard. Before that it was my extension cord for the sander, my toms, my plants, my apple connectors. “Really, I don’t need to replace anything. You need to play with the dog.”. Everything is the dogs fault. Of course he put his remotes away the dog just got them. Of course it’s not his fault. It’s the dogs. Where is the responsibility for your possessions. Where is the accountability for not putting his stuff out of the puppies reach.

The math teacher can’t grade the homework because there is to many papers to grade. “It’s the student responsibility to grade and check their work.” “Its the student responsibility to be prepared for the test, and to seek outside help if they do not understand the subject matter.” Where is the accountability for the job you are getting paid for.

We blame fast food for being fat.
We blame music for our children being violent.
We blame school and government for our state of well being.
We blame other people for our level of self esteem.
We blame.

Accountability – the state of being accountable, liable or answerable.

Everywhere around you people are blaming other people. We use reason, and justification to place blame where we need it. We avoid the facts. We avoid effort to make change. It’s all so easy.

I screw up shit all the time. Happy to take the blame. Happy to fix it. Happy to be held accountable. It’s the only way I can teach my kids to be accountable. It’s the only way I can expect a degree of accountability from other people.

September 4, 2012

It’s always a sunny day when it rains.

20120904-204935.jpgLife is a strange thing. It’s full of twist and turns hiding adventure around every curve. You just never know where the landslide is going to be.

Lately it seems that every time I turn a corner life has offered me another landslide. It’s a little rock here, a big boulder there, and a massive dump of mountain straight ahead.

If there is one lesson in life I have learned it would be most problems, issues, and concerns resolve themselves with time and patience, although they are in constant conflict. Time is the one thing that human patience just can’t stand. Patience is the act of waiting, but how long does patience have to wait for time.

Patience – the capacity to accept or tolerate with getting angry
Time – the indefinite continued progress of existence.

Just give it time. Please be patient. One is not of the other. Time goes on forever, however human patience does not. At some point patience like all things, except time, must end. At some point patience runs short. During most of life’s challenges patience is enough to suffice the boulders in our path, but when it’s not let the sun always shine on a rainy day you’ve got time.

In the last week my daughter has been sent to the principles office, my son has had a crash on his motocross bike, my grandmother is dying. The school math program is unsatisfactory. My son is putting little effort into his home work. My nectarine tree is dying from the heat. The puppy is chewing everything to shreds, and there are no cookies in the house. Yes, it’s still over 100 degrees on the west coast and I don’t have ac.

Total chaos. We all have it at one point or another. I think the trick is to find happiness in it. Find a challenge in tragedy. Passion in stress. Be an advocate where there is conflict. Seek creativity, and imagination. Nothing in this life in concrete. Time has made sure of that and if we are patient time will change everything.

It’s always a sunny day when it rains.

September 2, 2012

Inner beauty

Inner beauty

I’m refinishing my house. Of course if you talk to my husband that’s what I am always doing. This time around I am refinishing the stair case banister and putting in wood floors.

The banister has taken me two weeks to sand and finally it is stained. It for sure, with no doubt, is not the same type of quality you get from buying a new manufactured one installed by a professional contractor, but it was defiantly cheaper. With sandpaper, stain, and top coat it cost less than $60.

Here’s the problem. We rarely would notice others mistakes if I had indeed hired someone else to install the banister. I can see every single spot that isn’t just the way I like it. In fact I have gone back re-sanded, re-stained. It will never be perfect, but it was ugly, golden oak, aged over twenty years. Yuck.

I don’t want to say I am a perfectionist because in the true sense of the term I’m not. I am willing to settle at some point, so there has to be a point in which I find peace. There is an inner beauty to all of this. I did the work. I picked the colors, I made the decisions. It was all me. Nobody helped. That’s it.

The inner beauty of the whole thing is that I did it. I didn’t pay someone else to do it. It’s a Chinese thing. If you have a tea kettle and you have repaired it, then it is far more beautiful than if you just went and bought a new one. I read that some place at some time. The words ring true in any situation and they have always stayed with me. As an American in a disposable, keep up with the Jones society I find it hard sometimes to find this beauty, but it’s there.

Am I my own worst critic. It’s the nature of being human I think. We like to judge ourselves and do it harshly. Inner beauty is the sum of all we have done and all that we intend to do. Acceptance for our failures because humans are incapable of perfection by our own standards. We must find inner beauty in everything we attempt. It’s there if we don’t let our judgement get in the way.

July 16, 2011

Just a thought while digging

I was out in my garden yesterday working the ground. In my garden that’s quite a bit of work. The top 12 inches is Dg mixed with all the trash from building my track home. Once you get below that it’s beautiful. I, being the person I am, don’t like to go to the gym so I do all this work with a shovel. It’s an old shovel and the spade is cracked but I like it all the same. It works. Believe it or not I could spend the whole day outside just digging ditches. My daughter says I make a good Mexican. I always laugh because it’s probably true. When I see guys working on the side of the road with shovels I always want to stop and dig.

Cross fit, do you do it? On occasion I do. It obvious to me that cross fit came from hard labor. Moving construction tires after all is hard work. Swinging kettle bells is similar to hammers, buckets, bags, etc. Cross fit, without any research whatsoever, looks like labor.

When did we stop doing, accomplishing, for the sake of abs? Do you have any idea how much we as a people could accomplish if we did a little labor instead of going to the gym. How much money could we save if we mowed our lawns, grew our own vegetables, fixed our own houses, walked our own dogs, played with our children? Instead we buy a gym membership and pay people to do these things for us. I have a gym membership though I don’t go often. It’s nine dollars a month, so I figure for those days I have nothing to shovel, fix or do it’s worth it.

The human body is an amazing thing. I know both girls and guys that spend two plus hours a day working out only to spend the rest of the day looking in the mirror, eating lettuce, and chicken. They look great. I spend two hours a day digging, raking, hauling, planting, and watering. I spend the rest of my day picking vegetables, cooking gourmet food with butter, playing my guitar, and drinking red wine. They have great abs and don’t eat burgers. I have not so great abs and love burgers. I don’t look in the mirror and see a fabulous body, but rather an accomplished woman. I grow produce in abundance and give a great deal of it away. My hard labor pays off. In return my friends may me dishes and deserts with the produce I have given them. No doubt the gym wouldn’t do the same.

June 25, 2011

Me and My Guitar

I’ve said it before. I’m stuck in a rut. I know the basics but just don’t know how to move forward.

When I started playing a year ago I struggled with playing left or right handed. I finally decided left which limits me. I bought a Fender 100 because that was the only left handed guitar they had in stock which was fine because like all things I didn’t know if I would stick with it. Kind of like writing. I love doing it but time always seems to be a factor. There just isn’t enough time to do everything and my daily chores. As I played and practiced I played more, and then more. The laundry didn’t mind waiting and I was grateful for the extra time to play.

Seven months into playing I got sick which put a real damper on the whole thing. Had I hit the spot where commitment was lost? Was I just over it and wasted a couple hundred dollars on guitar I wouldn’t play again? Did I want to play? I just didn’t know where to start or where to go. The rut had found me. Little by little I picked it up every day and strummed a chord or two but the interest wasn’t really there. I know all the basic chords and have put together a couple melodies. But still I felt lost.

Writing is a different story. You almost always have pen and paper. The waste factor is unusually low if you set it down for months, even years it’s no big deal. At least not for me. I almost certainly did not want to see my guitar end up that way, so I broke down and bought a program.

guitarjamz.com. Marty Swartz is my saving grace. I joined his guitar coaching club which in just two days has taught me a great many things, including some music theory. I’m very self motivated when it comes to something I want to do. I love to research my interests so I had been watching his free videos on You Tube since I started. Of course there’re a great many teachers and programs out there. I like Marty the best. He is easy to understand not to mention I like his hats. The hats are important because who wants to look at some aesthetically unpleasing sap.

Now I look forward to playing everyday even if life only affords me fifteen minutes. Now if I could just get motivated to take some writing classes my life would be complete.